User blog comment:SkittyTheTwit/King Of The Crown- Episode 1: The Start of it All!/@comment-5271031-20140725054842


 * I'm going to actually attempt to be a critic for something like this! I understand it's just the beginning, but I'm going to look at it critically, so please don't be offended by my harsh antics.

This is probably my personal opinion, but I can't really feel any appeal to any series of anything if they are written in script form. It's sort of a pet peeve of mine, so it isn't really anything to worry about. But I still think if it's written in a different way, then it'll feel more natural. But this is just me.

But to the actual review. I understand that this is just a demo of the first episode, just to see what sticks. Well, let me put it down bluntly.

It's horrible.

Well, compared to other works of the community, it's one of the average. But if you want it to be a big hit, or if you want it to be high quality, it isn't right now. And compared to other works of fan fiction and original literature, it's just down-right terrible. Alright, alright, I'm sorry for being harsh, and I know it's a glimpse of the beginning, but that's just it. It's chopped up and forced down our throats, and an attempt to be a different and delightfully quirky weblog series turned out to be generic and painful to look at.

I should... try, to be positive. Lets see... it... has world building? But it just gets overlooked to present us to our "lovely" cast, and when it is brought back up again (presumably), it's shoved aside for us to learn what this series is really all about! A competition! Whoopee. I mean, seriously. I understand, you understand, we all understand; it's cliche. But if done correctly, you can give us an energetic spark that gets us into the series, which legitimately gets us curious, wanting to see more. Let me break it to you; you didn't pull it off.

The introduction is rushed, and it just jumps in. No one knows what the buck is going on! I'm literally lost! There's no charm, there's no connectability, there's no punchline; what the heck is going on? I mean, we're told about some random island, dropped into a conversation, objects appear out of nowhere without being explained, everyone just starts acting up without explanation; it's all over the place! And we don't even know if it's supposed to be like this or not, since it's too confusing!

But I guess we start getting on track when a funeral is put up for Feathery-- wait, a cheese stick? What the flying heck? Is he even a-- no wait, he isn't a contestant. So what sort of thing is this? A dumb gag? There's no explanation! We can't even make an inference! And the follow-up joke can be explained, but it's rather stupid at best.

Anyways, besides that nitpicking rant, we're introduced to the host; Crown[y]. And for some unexplainable reason, everything goes... uphill. I mean, it's sorta rushed, but it's strangely likable and smoothed. Crown is officially best character. It might be sudden strange air to the introduction, even though reading the character profiles and the title itself depicts that a crown is involved, but due to some strange events or something, I honestly feel that everything gets straightened out when Crown[y] appears. I mean, even the fact that he immediately gets to the point for no known reason, just, randomly blurting it out(ish), I have to admit that you executed his introduction very, very well. Everything felt in place when he just... appeared. Maybe it's just me, the fact that he's the only character introduced smoothly, overhype, or just his plain witchcraft and mystery, but I've got to admit, even though it's the end of the very beginning, Crown[y] is simply that character that got me simply hooked. I mean, he just randomly appeared, but everything that you did with him feels right. Crown[y]'s here, he introduces himself with a mysterious aura, reveals the news no longer than it should, delivers what he needs to with a certain air and charm, that is quite the show you somehow pulled in practically four lines of his dialouge. You did good with this one.


 * So overall, I may be nitpicking way too much, but the personalities of the other characters and the plain fact that everything is chopped up and shoved together makes this sort of painful, but you know what made it all worth it to me? Crown[y]. I mean, you need to improve on a lot of these factors (writing, transition, character personalities), but I think Crown[y] just delivered it. I mean, damn. The ending. That character . I'll definitely be sticking around, and if you can fix everything up, you'll have quite the show here. Also, keep Crown[y] awesome for me. Thanks.

~Mango Dolphin