Everything's A-OJ/Transcript

(Pickle and O.J. walk out of the spa room.)

Pickle: Well, there's something I've been meaning...

OJ: Um, hold that thought. Since when did we have that weird door over there?

Pickle: What door?

(A poorly arranged metal door is shown with a sign saying "Do not enter or you will die.")

Pepper: O.J.! O.M.G., I'm freezing! The towel! Is it in here?

OJ: Wait! Don't go in there!

Pepper: Um, why not?

OJ: (white-lyingly) Oh, I mean- uh, never mind. Go right ahead.

(Pepper opens the death door and a red alarm sounds.)

(Trophy suddenly knocks Pepper down and her right cucumber flies off)

Pepper: Ah!

Trophy: Did you think this was FUNNY?! DID YOU?! DID YOU?!

Pepper: Ah! OJ, your award! It's trying to eat me!

(All of the other eliminated contestants fall out of the death door.)

Trophy: Do you know what it's like to be sneezed on every SINGLE day, multiple times?!

Pepper: Um, well...

Trophy: It's not fun! It's not! It's NOT!! (Throws Pepper to the floor, breaking it)

OJ: All right, BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! What are you guys doing on my property?

Tissues: Gwuys, it's not our fault! It's- gwuys! *sneezes on OJ*

OJ: UGH!

Tissues: AGH!

Left Cherry: The portal let us here!

Right Cherry: Against our wills!

OJ: WHAT?! What kind of monster would trap innocent-

(Suddenly, MePhone4 enters the scene)

MePhone4: You opened the door! What's wrong with you? Didn't you read the sign?

OJ: Wrong with me?

(Cut to the eliminated contestants)

OJ: You hoarded these innocent people in my closet! Without my consent!

MePhone4: Hey, hey! Who says it was me? I wouldn't hurt a fly.

OJ: You CRASHED a plane into my hotel!

(MePhone4 is actually trying to swat a fly, and successfully does, following by the term "I wouldn't hurt a fly")

MePhone4: But even if it was me, what are YOU gonna do about it? Huh? HUH?

OJ: ...I'm.. gonna... sue you.

MePhone4: ...Oh.

(Intro)

(At the courtroom where Judge Gavel and the jury (including Milk, Teddy Bear, and the cast) are holding MePhone's trial, Judge Gavel hits a sound block three times)

Gavel: May the case of the people of Hotel Orange Juice vs. MePhone4 now commence.

Paper: Your Honor, MePhone has used OJ's property to commit the crime of unlawful detention.

Toilet: (Hops up on OJ's table) OI! MISTAH PHONE WAS NEVER A TEACHER!

Gavel: Order! Order! (Hits the sound block three times)

Toilet: I love yooooou.....

Gavel: Please. Proceed with your opening statement.

Paper: Your Honor, MePhone4 has been knowing to imprison people simply because they lost on his reality show! And trust me, I witnessed this firsthand.

MePad: Well, Mr. Paper, I believe that means you are biased against the defendant, so...

Toilet: (comes up to MePad zooming) Mistah Honor, I think we're going off the trickety track!

Gavel: Look, I don't have all day. Let us hear the witnesses.

(Cut to Box sitting down on a witness chair, then falling down onto the mic, causing feedback. The jury and Judge Gavel all cry.)

Gavel: Wow. There's cruelty, and then there's this. Box, I've never been so moved by a testimony. MePhone4, For the crime of unlawful detention, imprisonment, and a freaky portal that the defense claims just randomly opened one day, you are sentenced to... one...hour in jail.

Toilet: THAT'S BA-NANA BONKERS! (splashes toilet water on Gavel's face) Bleh!

Gavel: Make that... one...day.

MePhone4: I... I...I hate you, Toilet. (MePhone4 gets handcuffed, then gets taken down to jail) But...I-I'm innocent, I tell you! Think of the children! Think of the children!

Gavel: And in MePhone4's absence, OJ will take over hosting duties. (OJ and Paper look at eachother and smile) Case dismissed. (hits two times on the sound block) Ow! That hurts... every time, and I still do it.

Toilet: (cries) No! It should've been meee...

(Later, outside the hotel)

OJ: Okay, everyone! I'm the new host now! But trust me, I'm totally on top of things. Okay. (OJ takes out show schedule) Ehh...

Knife: So on top of things, you took half a year to find those people in your own hotel!

Suitcase: Look, Knife, if I may, this sarcasm isn't helping your reputation. Why not try a random act of kindness?

Knife: Why does everyone keep trying to change me? (grabs Suitcase) Just mind your own BUSINESS, Suitcase!

OJ: So first on the list is the Elimination Ceremony. (cut to the Grand Slams) So which team lost last time?

Baseball: Well my team, as usual, was superior. We won the last contest.

Paintbrush: Now, now, don't try anything funny, Baseball. (grabs Marshmallow and Fan) We're the ones who won the last contest, okay?

Everyone else: WHAT?!

Paintbrush: Don't say anything, and we can all stay in!

Marshmallow: Ah!

Lightbulb: I gotcha.

Apple: Okay.

Test Tube: But, the-the fact is, we lost-

Paintbrush: ...Lost our spirits seeing the Grand Slams tragically fail again. Oh-ho.

Cheesy: Uh-uh-uh!

Soap: Ex-CUSE ME?! I wiped the floor with you guys--- literally!

OJ: Fine, well, if no one's gonna admit it, I'm just gonna pick someone. Uuuuuummmmm..... (cut to Suitcase) You. What's-your-face. Yeah, you're eliminated.

Suitcase: W-wait! I believe there's been a mistake!

OJ: Right. Okay, we've got a busy schedule.

Suitcase: B-but, I---

OJ: Suitcase, you're ruining the show!

Suitcase: *sighs* Oh, okay...

OJ: Now, just walk a few steps back. (Suitcase walks two steps back.) A little more... (Suitcase walks back more, eventually leading to her going off-screen.) J-Just a little more-- A little- *tsk* ...aaaaannnddd, perfect! Okay, guys. Follow me to our next location.

Baseball: How can we just lose Suitcase like that?

Nickel: Yeah, it's pretty unfair, but let's face it. We were bound to outlast her anyway.

Baseball: But she didn't deserve this. This isn't right.

OJ: Look, my property was used to commit a crime. You can't complain. Now, come on, everyone! We're headed over to my hotel. 'Cause you guys are gonna clean it!

Soap: *gasp* I can't believe this! It's a dream come true!

OJ: (approaches Soap) Oh, it gets even better. It's a MESS!

Soap: I... I think I'm in love...

Salt: (Elbows Soap) Back OFF! He's mine!

Pepper: (grabs Salt, Paper and Bomb) OMG, guys! Balloon's coming! (They all gasp) Like, everyone get into, like, background mode! (Everyone around her turns static.)

Balloon: Uh, hi guys... Do you think OJ will let me walk inside the hotel this time?

OJ: (distant) No, I won't!

Knife: You know, Balloon, you did vandalize his property with spray paint. You ever get the feeling they don't appreciate your company?

Balloon: It's been a long time, Knife. Things are different now. We've changed!

Knife: Maybe in your mind you feel like a different person, but everyone in that hotel won't forget how we used to act!

Pickle: Whoa, looks like stupid Balloon is back at it again, great...

Balloon: (gets angry) AT LEAST I KNEW TACO WAS NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! Who's stupid now, huh?!

(Pickle sadly walks away)

Knife: Yeah, Suitcase was right, I haven't changed. But NEITHER have you!

(Balloon deflates)

Paintbrush: Okay team, Soap is going to be a MAJOR threat! So get your A-game on!

(Lightbulb claps)

Fan: Oh Paintbrush, what's the point in that? Haven't you noticed the pattern? Each team wins twice in a row and now it's our turn!

Paintbrush: Um... no! You still have to put in the effort! You can't rely on coincidence!

Fan: It's out of our control, Paintbrush! Just sit back and watch (starts to eat popcorn) Here... want some?

Paintbrush: Oh sure let me just have a little bit of...(Knocks the popcorn out of Fan's hand)

Test Tube: Um, as much as I'd like to be a team player, Fan's right. Statistics are a beautiful thing.

Paintbrush: So you're saying we just do NOTHING? Marsh, you gotta back me up here!

Marshmallow: AAAGH, if Apple's cleaning, count me out- (Gets interrupted by Apple hugging her again)

Apple: If Marshmallow's not cleaning, count me out too!

Marshmallow: (pulls herself out of Apple Arms) What's WRONG with you?! (Follows Apple Madly and Apple Backs Away) One minute you were using me, and then the next you act like nothing happened!

Apple: But Marshmallow- (gets hit by a mop)

Marshmallow: Buzz off!

Paintbrush: So what? Nobody is going to HELP me?

Lightbulb: Painty, come on! You know I'm as down as the downward dog!

Paintbrush: Uh.. well thank you, Lightbulb, I appreciate the support!

Lightbulb: No prob- (trips over her mop) whoa-whoa- (shatters) eeh

Fan: Aha! (starts choking on popcorn)That's the sixth time Lightbulb has shattered ever! Oh that's revolutionary!(Test Tube comes by) How long do you think it'll be before she shatters again?

Test Tube: I'd say quicker than a catalyst helps reactants reach activation energy!

Pepper: OMG. Salt. I came up with, like, the best... idea... ever!

Salt: *gasp* I wanna hear it.

Pepper: Okay, what if, while they were cleaning... they had to sing?

Salt: *gasp* DARLING! *high five*

OJ: Yeah, singing's good! Get to it, guys!

Contestants: Ugh...

Soap: This is the best day of my life!

(Establishing shot of Hotel OJ)

Baseball: Is he seriously making us do this now?

Nickel: Ugh, OJ just thinks he's so clever.

Knife: There's no way I'm doing this.

Soap: (singing) C'mon guys, don't argue! / I don't want to force you. / It's a gift from the heavens, don't you agree?

Baseball: (singing) How can you say that? / But no time for chit-chat. / Let's- just get this work done and finally be free!

Soap: (singing) Cleaning's my life and when I'm feeling down, / Scrubbing the floors always removes a frown! / The window panes reflect the struggles in my life, / I'll make a new path and wash away my strife!

Nickel: Ugh, there better not be another verse!

Cherries: Brace yourself, it's coming!

Marshmallow: (singing) New paths, oh what's the use, just give me a break (takes out a mop) / All friends will still leave distress in their wake    (hits apple 4 times)

Paintbrush: (singing) Everyone seems lazy, / While i'm going crazy / To clean up the mess that others will leave

Fan: (singing) But what we do's inconsequent, / I learned that from the Internet!

OJ: (singing) No question I'm a nicer host, I don't mean to boast!

Soap: (singing) No one needs to like you if you like yourself / Just brush off your hardships and wipe them from the shelf / Sometimes the outside world just feels so demeaning / But it doesn't close in if you just keep on cleaning!

(Cut to jail)

MePhone4: I'm innocent, I tell you! I'M INNOCENT!

(MePhone4 looks around angrily but is then scared by Swiss Army Knife's exaggerated amount of tools and knives, and finds out there are several other people in jail with him)

Rusty Jo: Ha, so, what are you in for, new guy?

MePhone4: Mind your own business!

Rusty Jo: Pff, man, you are going to be in here for a while, you might as well get talking. The name's Rusty Jo, so, what are you in for? Theft? Piracy?

MePhone4: All I did was lock some people in a room.

Hammer: Whoa, for how long?

MePhone4: Eh, several months, give or take.

(All of his cellmates are in utter shock)

Rusty Jo: Dude... That's, really messed up.

MePhone4: No, no! You don't understand! It's just a game show, it's not even real!

Rusty Jo: They're still real people! What are you, sadistic?

MePhone4: You're in here, too. It's not like you're an angel.

Rusty Jo: Look, for some reason, you're only in here for a day. You can still change your ways, it's too late for me. If you continue down that road, these walls are going to be it for you!

MePhone4: Yeah well, what do YOU know? *ponders anxiously*

(Meanwhile)

Baseball: What OJ did was completely unacceptable! He's normally a pretty nice guy.

Soap: Baseball, I know it's tough, but you can't let these setbacks get to you. We're still a team, just... not as strong as before, but if there's one challenge I can dominate, it's this one. So let's keep moving!

Microphone: (unnecessarily loudly) Whoo! Soap for team captain!

Baseball: Excuse me? I'm standing right here!

Microphone: Well, Soap is actually nice to me. You just yell at me all the time!

Nickel: Really?

Pickle: (Rummaging through trash) Why did OJ pick today to throw all my trash? (He finds a picture of him and Taco on the picnic from The Great Escape) Oh... This... *sigh* It never will leave, will it? (Pickle enters the hotel, puts the picture on a small table, sits on the couch, and starts up the video game, but loses. Then Knife enters)

Knife: Mind if I join?

Pickle: (Pickle pauses the game) Yeah sure, I guess.. As long as you aren't here to break the controller or whatever.

(The game resumes and Knife growls in annoyance. They play)

Knife: So that's an interesting photo you got there.

Pickle: (Pauses the game) Yeah, okay.

(Pickle resumes the game and he loses)

Pickle: Agh! I can't get past this level, I'm DONE with this.

Knife: Pickle, you can't play the game that way, you have to be willing to go back in and try again. Just because you failed ONCE doesn't mean you'll fail every time.

Pickle: Wait, what do you mean?

Knife: You can't let one bad experience ruin it. Otherwise you'll never move on to the next stage.

Pickle: Wow, that means a lot, Knife. Nobody's really been there for me lately.

Knife: Um, I was just talking about the video game...

Pickle: (Unconvinced) Really?

Knife: I was. Um, well, goodbye.

(Knife walks away, but as he is, he stops, looks back and smiles, and continues.)

(Meanwhile)

Cheesy: Hey Mic you're so loud, you made MePhone lose his HEARING! *Slaps knee*

(Microphone is annoyed at his joke)

Cheesy: ...Get it? Cause he's in prison now-

Microphone: Man, Cheesy, just leave me alone! Can you take anything seriously?

Cheesy: Okay Mic, just remember... you have a lot to lose, but NOT MUCH TO GAIN! (Slaps knee) 'Cause gain is a setting on a micro- (Gets hit in the face by Mic's sponge, then her bucket)

Paintbrush: (sigh) Finally! I think I finished... *looks at the rest of the hotel* ...about half... UUGH! I'M LOSING MY PATIENCE!

Fan: Paintbrush, just let it go! You'll hurt yourself! (Cheesy is walking away with an ice bag on his head, he then throws the bag behind him)

Paintbrush: Oh gee, if ONLY I had a team to- (Cheesy's ice bag hits Paintbrush's ladder and it starts toppling) OH! WHOAH! WAA... (they then falls down to the ground and the ladder hits them in the face. Fan, expecting rage, counts down)

Fan: Yeah, three, two, one...

Rage Paintbrush: (their bristles catch fire) '''YOU'RE TELLING ME NOT TO WORRY?!?!?!?! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES ANYTHING FOR THIS TEAM!!!!!!!!!!

(Fan starts laughing anxiously, confusing Paintbrush, then coughs out a popcorn)

Paintbrush: Oh, you're enjoying the show, Fan? (Picks up his egg) How do you like it NOW?!

Fan: Paintbrush!

Paintbrush: You act like you're still just a spectator, that NOTHING leaves a real impact! Well, how about your precious little EGG on the hardwood floor!?

Fan: You better not!

(Paintbrush raises the egg, but stops)

Paintbrush: (sighs) Pull it together, Paintbrush. Don't do something you'll regret.

(Paintbrush starts walking towards Fan to give back the egg, but they trip)

Paintbrush: Whoa!

(An extremely distressed Fan watches as the egg falls, but at the last second, Test Tube catches it)

Test Tube: Yes! Gotcha!

(At once) Paintbrush: Phew! Fan: Yay!

Test Tube: Phew, close one!

Fan: Test Tube, words can't describe how grateful I am right now!

Paintbrush: Honestly, Fan, I didn't mean to...

Fan: Paintbrush I knew you weren't the nicest but attempted murderer is a new low! Thank goodness Test Tube was there for me!

(Later)

O.J.: Okay guys, thanks a BUNCH for cleaning the hotel up, Granted it's not completely done, but much better than it was before!

Soap: So, my team won right? We cleaned the most!

O.J.: Won? Um no, that wasn't a contest, I just wanted some help with cleaning is all.

(The Grand Slams, each having a slightly different reaction, shout again)

O.J.: Ugh! Fine! You want a CHALLENGE? Uh, How 'bout uh... a coin toss? Grand Slams are heads, Bright Lights are tails. Go! (It lands with Bright lights facing up) Cool! The Bright Lights win! Yeah!

Fan: Oh see Paintbrush? (While Apple walks to Them) Now you know better than to think you have power of the game.

Paintbrush: Hmm!

(A police van arrives backing up, and throws MePhone4 out the back. He gets up)

MePhone4: Uh, hi guys I'm back from the slammer.

Toilet: OH, MY GOSH, IT'S MR. PHONE, I MISSED YOUUUU! DID YOU MISS ME? 'CAUSE I MISSED YOU SOOOOO!

MePhone4: (Pushes Toilet away) So what's going on?

Balloon: Let's see, OJ eliminated Suitcase just because HE felt like it!

MePhone4: That's not my problem... actually, you're right. That's kind of unacceptable. Suitcase, come back.

(Suitcase quickly rushes back to her alliance)

Baseball: Oh, yeah! The gang is back!

MePhone4: MePad, good to see ya! Display the votes!

(MePad reveals the votes: Test Tube 209, Fan 249, Lightbulb 393, Marshmallow 613, Paintbrush 791, Apple 2045)

MePhone4: So yeah, Apple is eliminated, with a record amount of votes. Here's some broken glass I picked up in jail.

(The shards are thrown at once at the Bright Lights, each of them groaning in pain)

Marshmallow: Guess your little strategy ends here, karma's a beautiful thing, isn't it?

Apple: But I thought we were buddies! Pals! Friends for life!

Marshmallow: Not to YOU, we weren't!

(MePhone4 is carries Apple to the Rejection Portal)

Apple: No! What's happening?!

Marshmallow: Buh-bye.

(MePhone4 tosses Apple in the portal, Apple screams as she is thrown in)

Tissues: Wa-gwuys! You can't send those gwuys back there! AH-CHOO! (He sneezes on MePhone4, who gets electrocuted, eventually shutting down and restarting) Uh, sorry.

MePhone4: A-a-a, what are you trying to do? Make me sick? The portal doesn't send you to the closet anymore, apparently Judge Gavel said it was illegal or something. So I've made some arrangements with OJ, and we devoted a portion of the hotel to all of you.

OJ: That's right! At Hotel OJ, where you will be treated with the utmost respect, and NOT in a small locked closet.

(The eliminated contestants are hit by the Fist Thingy II into the Rejection Portal)

MePhone4: (Wiping Tissues' snot off him) Well I guess the Grand Slams lost, (Shows contestants up for elimination) so viewers, vote to eliminate one of them.

(Credits)

(Apple is inside the hotel looking around, the Rejection Portal appears behind her, and the eliminated contestants launch Apple into a wall, Tissues then sneezes on Apple)

OJ: Welcome to Hotel OJ! Allow me to show you to your rooms.

(The eliminated contestants then glance over to Salt and Pepper)

Salt and Pepper: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like...

(The eliminated glance over to Bomb and Paper)

Bomb: (Starts spinning, going faster) Y-y-y-yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah.

Paper: Welcome, everyone!

(The eliminated contestants look creeped out)

(Cut to Microphone walking at night)

Microphone: Aahhh... Finally some peace and quiet (She then hears some rustling from a bush) Huh? (Microphone slowly walks over to the bush, raising her gain. Cheesy then suddenly appears.)

Cheesy: HEY, MIC, WHO SAID YOU'RE A-LOUD TO RELAX?!

(As Cheesy was saying this, Microphone was producing feedback, electrifying and quickly lowers her gain, she runs to the bush, but finds nothing)

Microphone: No! I think that scared it away! I mean, was it REALLY worth it to drive yourself out here in the middle of the NIGHT just to make a PUN? IT WASN'T EVEN FUNNY!

Cheesy: Maybe not, but, oh, man, (walking away) that reaction... ha-ha.

Microphone: (sighs) I'm trying harder than everyone else, so WHY do I always lose?

Suitcase: (Walking in) You know, Mic, at times like these-

(Microphone kicks a bush in frustration, making Suitcase walk away. Taco spies on Microphone from behind another bush)

Taco: Hmm...

(Episode ends)

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