User blog comment:SkittyTheTwit/King Of The Crown- Episode 1: The Start of it All!/@comment-28235700-20140725142424/@comment-5271031-20140725205308

Do you literally think you'll be praised for your efforts? Probably not, but do you think that with a d****bag like me will go too soft? Just because you are a noob does not mean that you aren't legible for a serious critique. I had the same problems as you did (if not worse) when I tried writing the first time. We all require a nice, firm, brick to the head sometimes to get feedback and see what you're doing wrong, or if you don't agree with the critique, the perspective of the viewer and a way to compromise (if you're willing to). And no, I don't a narrator spoon-feeding me redundant information, nor do I want a choppy, jagged story shoved down my throat. Find a way to smooth into the story, cleanly introducing us to where they are going to go. We don't know how exactly we want it, but we know what we don't want.

Although the capital letters were rather immature, I'm glad that even though you do that, that you're also willing to also be mature as well.

The cheese stick, if you don't really know, can either be removed, or if you can find a correct way to introduce the joke without it being too out-of-place, it could probably work. I like cheese.

And although we jumped to the funeral rather oddly, I can see that it was a way to introduce Crown[y]. Honestly? Like I said in my first comment; it was oddly awesome. The mystique, the odd way on how you introduced him, that was amazing in my opinion. How the f*** you did this in 4 lines, I don't know, but I can't help but praise it so much.

For advice, I'd suggest reading up on tutorials on standard fiction and writing, not to mention getting a proof-reader. There are certain punctuation errors and out of place capital letters and lower-case letters that one can easily miss.


 * And that's... practically all I've got. If you want me to be more exact (or at least try not to be a jerk next time), please tell me so.