Stranded in Paradise/Transcript

Fishing For Tickets
Paintbrush is laying on a beach chair on a cruiseship.

Paintbrush, relaxed: Ah, hear comes paradi-

A crashing sound is heard.

Paintbrush: Dai-ai-aise!

Test Tube, walking up to Yin Yang, who's fishing off the side of the boat: Woah! Neato to the third degree Yin-Yang! But uh, what are you fishing for?

Yang: Not fishing for friends, so get lost!

Yin: Yang! We are fishing for our ticket.

Test Tube: ...Why would it be in the water?

Yang: I THREW IT IN THERE!

Test Tube: Yep, ok-

Paintbrush: Heyyy, you buckaroos! Could you please, I don't know... zip your lips for more than 2 seconds... thanks!

After presumably 2 second, a "DING" sound is heard.

Yin: Hyah!

Yin Yang fishes up Box from the water.

Test Tube: The motherload! Heh, oh box! Who taught you how to swim?

Yin and Test Tube laugh while Paintbrush is angry.

Nickel, walking up to Paintbrush: Hang in there Paintbrush, as much as you're enjoying the company, we're almost there.

Paintbrush: Good, I'm excited to finally catch a break. I'm not the biggest fan of Spoiled Lemon's hits, but I can't wait to see them live at the resort!

Fan: (Singing) All I wanna do, is go to a party! Yep, my personal favorite still. Even if it got snubbed at the Groscers! And these VIP tickets were a huge score, Nickel! They're usually so overpriced!

Nickel, nervous: Heh, yeah, scalpers raisin' those prices! They're the worst! ..heheheh. Um, I, um- didn't get the tickets by the way.

Fan: Oh. Well, score revoked. I thought one of you knew the band?

Test Tube: Nah.

Yang: Yes, haha! Oh, no I did not get them, I am not nice.

Test Tube: Even Box's generosity wasn't the catalyst... hmm, fascinating... Um, HEY, BALLOON-

Nickel, sliding in: I wouldn't waste my breath. He's not really known for his... (through teeth) authenticity.

Stressing Out
Balloon to himself in the distance, next to a food buffet, holding a "mini-wich" on a cocktail stick: Oh, lone mini-wich... all of your conflicting layers kept together by a lone pick. I just want to be you... keeping it together, even in the rough times!

Balloon eats the mini-wich

Balloon: Your sacrifice was a learning tool.

OJ, from beside him: Tools... the repairs... (sigh)... who will fold the towels....

Balloon: Uhh... OJ?

OJ: Ah! Oh- Sorry, it's just the hotel manage in me. I haven't been comfortable with this whole... vay-cay... vah-caaaay.. vacaaaah-

Balloon: Vacation?

OJ: Ugh, even the word sounds wrong coming from other people.

Balloon, confused: Then- why did you invite us all on an all-expenses paid trip?

OJ: Heh, Balloon, if I organized this trip, the attendee list would be radically different.

Balloon looks at OJ annoyedly with an eyebrow raised.

OJ: Oh- uh- oh, um, well- what I meant, was-

Danger!
A loud bang noise occurs

Balloon, surprised: Ah! What was that?

OJ: Ah, yes- w-what was that?

Paintbrush, suddenly appearing: Ugh, again? I thought that was you guys!

The camera motions towards Yin Yang and Test Tube.

Yang: Give me more credit, I'm quite gentle!

Yin: Oh, spare us.

Test Tube: Uh, guys? I think this equation has an answer!

The camera motions towards the steering wheel of the boat with no one there to handle it.

Paintbrush: It's alive!? Lemme see a face! We're going to a resort! Right, uh- Boaty?

Nickel, unimpressed: Boaty?

The boat begins to shake and speed up.

Test Tube: Now, this equation may as well be divided by zero- there's no solution!

Test Tube again, the screen locked in a freeze-frame: Oh, wait, actually, there'd be an infinite number of solutions. Oh, good, okay.

The screen un-freezes to everyone screaming in fear.

Fan, through the screaming, like a narrator: What's going to happen next? You're not going to believe this one!

The screaming stops, everyone is looking at Fan, unimpressed.

Fan: Sorry, this helps me in traumatic times.

Crash!
''The screaming continues as the boat slides off screen, as a crash is heard and the screen turns black. The screen pans towards a deserted island with the crew all groaning on the beach.''

Fan, through coughing: Is this the end for our castaways? Many secrets and more, to be revealed.. (cough) next season!

Fan collapses on the ground once more.

Test Tube, clapping: Bravo, bravo! Wow-her arms breaks, oh- oW OW-

Test Tube's arm bends in the wrong direction

Paintbrush: I appreciate the devotion to the craft, but- WE'RE STRANDED!

Nickel, overreactful: Not only stranded, we're stranded with BALLOON!

Balloon, annoyed: Oh, come on!

Nickel, looking over to Box: Oh, no, Box, don't cry, shh, c'mon it's- it's gonna be okay!

Balloon, to Nickel: After EVERYTHING-

Everyone starts to bicker, excluding OJ, who's in the middle of everyone arguing

OJ after a moment: EVERYONE, PLEASE!

Everyone stops arguing to listen.

OJ: For ONCE, we're actually not on a reality show! So can we PLEASE stop the drama, for like, two seconds?

Two seconds pass, and a ding is heard.

The Arrival
MePhone4, walking onto the screen: Aaand time! Great rehersal everyone, you've outdone yourselves!

Everyone gasps at the sight of MePhone4.

Fan: Yeah, called it.

Paintbrush, angry: MePhone, get out of here! We're on a VIP tour!

Paintbrush holds up the VIP ticket.

MePhone: Yeah, the Very Indecent Promise. And sure, it may be a doctored ticket, but it was for a great cause! After all, what would I have done without my all-star cast of favorites?

On 'favorites', the crew all look surprised.

MePhone4: That's right, the viewers have spoken, and they want you all in!

Balloon and Nickel gasp.

Balloon: I'm... a FAVORITE? (He looks very cheerful)

Nickel, annoyed: Wow, looks like he doctored more than just the tickets.

Paintbrush, flustered: Wow... me? Aha... a... favorite? Ahahahha-

The camera switches to a moment similar to TDI confessionals, where Paintbrush is by themselves talking to the camera in the "Calm Down Cabana".

Paintbrush: Well, I'd like to thank the Academy. First the million, then the Groscers!

Paintbrush suddenly looks around.

Paintbrush: By the way, WHERE AM I?

The camera switches back to the beach and the crew.

OJ: Uh, no. Nononoonono. The hotel won't survive a vaaaa-caaa-tion without me! So, sayonara!

MePhone4: Sure thing. Hope you polished your swimming skills, it's only about a hundred miles or so.

The camera motions towards the half-sunken, broken, and on-fire boat.

OJ, falling to the sand: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

OJ, talking to the camera in the bedroom: ...Fine.

Fan, back on the beach: Wait a second, you're not even done with the second season!

MePhone: Feh, whatever, multitasking is kind of my strong suit.

Test Tube: Wow, a one in eight chance of winning the grand prize? The odds have never been greater a victory!

The camera pans towards the ruined boat as it half-explodes, turning to a charred color.

Paintbrush, in the background: NO, BOATY!

A figure flies up out of the flamey boat, landing on the sand.

Bow: Haha, that was awesome! Do it again!

MePhone, Balloon and OJ look at Bow in terror.

Bow: Now it's one in seven!

Test Tube: Uhm, heh, no, it'd be one in nine with you here. Oh, also- you're not dead? That's... interesting.

Bow: Haha, no, I'm not dead! Haha- whawh- no right? I'm not dead? No- right? Yeah, no, I'm not dead. Haha, no.

MePhone, shocked: What? How are you even- I sent your invitation as a joke!

Bow, shrugging: I dunno.

MePhone: Ugh, well, okay. With nine of you, that's 9 episodes, right? What are we, a limited mini-series? Puh-lease. This season, fans versus favorites. You're the favorites...

MePhone walks up to a curtain hiding something as he pulls on a string, as they half-open, revealing another character.

Clover, from behind the curtain: Wow, I win? Oh my gosh!

MePhone: What? No, agh!

MePhone pulls on the curtain string harder as it falls down, revealing more characters.

MePhone: Well, yup, here they are. Meet the fans!

Clover: A fan? A fan of what?

Silver Spoon: Why, I never! This introduction was simply a disaster! I'd say perhaps a reshoot is in order?

Blueberry: No amount of reshoots can save us now...it's over.

Goo: Don't think like that! This situation's like- a melting ice-cream cone, yah! Sometimes you get it on your pants and you're like, "Oh no, is the store closed? What if they're out of pants!?"

Blueberry: ...now I'm sad.

Silver Spoon: You made him sad, Goo.

Goo, in the confessional scene, talking to the camera: Yeah, sometimes my analogies don't "stick" with people, but at least an awkward introduction is a memorable one, right?

MePhone, slightly sarcastic: Okay, we're off to a great start. You're all probably wondering what teams you're on-

Cabby: Well, assuming you're seasoned to repetition, which is evident from a third season, I have on file here that you randomized the teams in the most recent season premiere. So this is just a guess, but it has been properly educated.

Test Tube from the distance: Oo, I like this one!

MePhone: AHEM!

MePhone clicks a button on a remote, and paint bombs explode over the contestants, coloring them in three different colors.

MePhone: Consider the teams randomized. It was Cabby's idea, everyone, and that stuff doesn't come out easy.

Blueberry: Oh, no, blue? The color of defeat? It's over everybody, it's over. Thanks, Cabby.

Tea Kettle: You can't cover me in this shmutz, I'm an antique!

Lifering: Everyone okay? I can preform CPR!

Cabby, thinking to herself: I should've referred to me MePhone4 file prior to making that claim!

Cabby, in the Calm Down Cabana, talking to herself: The first item on his profile... he kind of sucks.

MePhone, back to the scene: Yes, while you all weren't looking, I strapped paint bombs to all your backs! The color you're covered in is your team color.

Team Blue, Team Pink and Team Yellow all gather together.

Bow and Fan together: Yay, Pink Team!

Clover, off-screen: Didn't I already win?

The camera pans over to Clover, holding her un-detonated paint bomb in her hand.

Clover: Is that why my paint thingy never went off?

MePhone: Huh?

MePhone clicks the paint-bomb detonater button repeatedly, yet Clover's paint bomb never goes off.

MePhone: ...Well, that was supposed to be pink.

Clover: Ohhh!

She looks over to the Pink Team, who all cheer.

The camera turns to the Yellow Team.

Candle: Sorry, MePhone, I'm sensing an imbalance in the universe here... Something awry.

OJ: Yeah, we're down a member.

The Floor from beneath them: Hey, uh-

OJ: OH- AGH- (hopping from one foot to the next)

The Floor: Watch where you step, mate.

OJ: Oh, sorry!

The Floor: Doesn't feel great to be stepped all over, yeah?

Paintbrush: Oh, but THIS can have a face? What kind of sense does that-?!

MePhone, cutting them off: Alright, with our teams assembled, it's time for the first challenge! This is Inanimate Insanity, seasoooon...!

*One, two, THREE, GO!*

The snazzy intro plays.

After the intro finishes, the camera shows that all the contestants are gathered in front of MePhone4.

MePhone: Okay, so, your first challenge is to jump off this 60-foot-cliff.

Camera pans to the top of the cliff.

Lifering, distraught: Sixty feet!? Has everyone gone through their required diving courses? Proper form is crucial with these heights!

MePhone: Oh...- absolutely! (Motions to camera to stop recording)

The camera blacks out for a second, then returns to Tea Kettle in the Calm Down Cabana.

Tea Kettle: okay hun, you are NOT about to throw me 60 feet to my demise. But I guess having a walking life preserver on your team doesn't hurt.

The camera returns to the cliff, showing a black-and-white representation of what MePhone is saying (below).

MePhone, alongside the camera: At the bottom of the cliff, you'll find a safety tube that'll bring you straight to the finish line. If you miss, you'll hit the quicksand and re-emerge at the top. First two teams to have all their members across the finish line will win immunity. Last place will send one of it's team members packing... so, go!

The contestants are still unmoving.

MePhone: No- like, the challenge is on. Go now.

Camera pans to the Yellow Team.

OJ, after doing a small twirl: Okay, everyone! I think we'll need to organize a game plan!

Paintbrush: Agreed, OJ, thanks for that twirl. It was lovely! Now, check out mine!

Paintbrush does a twirl in front of OJ.

OJ, cheerful: Woahhh! Hold the phone, that was brilliant. We get style points for the dives, right?

Paintbrush, off-screen: Yeah! Maybe we can practice a routine before-

Yang: Dumb idiots! Just jump, okay!? Bye now!

''Yang kicks OJ and Paintbrush off the cliff, and they both scream on their way down. Yin Yang also jumps down, and they all land in the tube, leading the three to the finish line.''

MePhone: And half the Yellow Team has stuck the landing! Well organized!

(Yin) Yang, now in the Calm Down Cabana: I do not appreciate indescision. (Meanwhile, Yin looks at them(selves) with a glare.)

Lifering, back at the cliff: All right, recruits! So, remember: Back 90 degrees, arms straight, and- h u a h!

Lifering dives off the cliff, landing in the quicksand.

Clover: Wow, that form looked fierce! Let me try!

Clover falls backwards off the cliff, landing in the tube, ending up at the finish line.

Lifering, in the quicksand: Uh, oh- guys, I can't sink! It's literally my entire purpose! You're gonna need to weigh me down!

Balloon, back up at the top of the cliff: You got it, teamie!

Balloon jumps off, but floats down ever so slowly.

Balloon, slightly quietly: Oh, come on...

The camera motions towards Box, before turning to Nickel.

Nickel: Oh, the things I'll do for money. Agh- Uh, Balloon, catch me!

Nickel jumps, and Balloon catches him.Tea Kettle also jumps, and Nickel catches her.

Tea Kettle: Mama's gotcha!

''They float down faster now, as the camera turns towards the Pink Team. Test Tube is measuring Cabby with a measuring tape.''

Test Tube: Hmm... let's see...

Cabby, slightly smug: I can tell you my internal dimensions if that's what you're trying to calculate.

Test Tube: Being told the information? Huh, what- I- What fun is that?

Cabby: Victory isn't always fun. And 28 by 8-

Fan, walking on screen: Ah, no, no, don't spoil it for her. But, uh- based on what you know, y'think we can... 'ride the cab', eh?

Cabby smiles, opening up one of her drawers for the team to get in.

Cabby: Knock yourselves out.

The Pink Team cheers and hops in.

Bow, from inside Cabby: Woah, where are we? This isn't Narnia!

The camera pans back to where the rest of Yellow Team are, the top of the cliff.

Silver Spoon: Savagely hurling myself off a pile of dirt!? Ugh, well, this is unpleasant... b-leugh!

Candle: You're destined for a leap of faith... come along.

Silver Spoon: i have no faith in YOU, though- oh, woAGH!

Candle grabs Spoon's hand and they both fall off the cliff, landing in the finish line tube.

The Floor, back up at the cliff: Oh, sorry.

Floor sinks his face into the ground, and re-appears at the finish line.

The Floor: Sorry I'm late, yeah?

MePhone: Aaand Team Yellow wins immunity!

Silver Spoon, surprised: Woh! Wow... that, was- uhm- PREPOSTEROUS!

The camera returns to the bored Blue Team excluding Blueberry, on top of Lifering to weigh him down.

Lifering: Look, I'm sorry, but y'know, I'm industry grade!

Nickel, mad: Uh, yeah- a Grade A DOOFUS! (Sigh) Blueberry, we need more weight, c'mon!

Blueberry, back up at the clifftop: It's no use, this always happens. We're destined to lose.

Lifering, supportive: With that attitude, sure. But I know deep down that you're a FIGHTER Blueberry! And if you harness that and channel it into PASSION then... well... then there's nothing you can't do.

Blueberry after a moment: ...no. We're goners.

Cabby behind him, rolling and jumping off the cliff: WOOHOO!

Cabby lands in the tube, emerging at the finish line. The rest of the Pink Team hops out.

MePhone: And Cabby files a victory for Team Pink! Blue Team...

The camera pans towards the still half-sunken Lifering and the rest of the Blue Team.

MePhone: One of you will be voted out first.

Tea Kettle, to Lifering: Are you joking?! You've sunken us all!

Balloon: Hey, I mean, at least he's still sinking here with us.

Bow, at Calm Down Cabana by herself: I have to say, that cab ride was really bumpy. And they didn't even have one of those little TVs! So, zero stars! Oh- but we won. So one star! Coolness!

''The camera is back to where Nickel and Box are. Balloon walks on screen.''

Balloon: Hey, guys! Wait up- I wanted to-

Nickel: I'll stop you right there, Balloon. There's no need to inauthentically approach me. Today meant nothing.

Balloon: No, it did! You put your team first! And now, I'm asking you to continue that. Help us keep things together... us returning players.

Nickel: Hnnmmrggh we DID have two massive duds today, aaurgh- I'll need to consult my- associate about this.

Nickel turns to Box.

Box: *ominous sounds*

Nickel, gasping: For real? But- which one of the two?

Box: *ominous sounds*

Nickel, in the Calm Down Cabana by himself: (Sigh), Looks like I'm bunking with the devil tonight. But you know what they say, 'keep your enemies closer'! ... That, and Box is quite convincing.

The screen fades to black, and returns to where MePhone and the losing team are, the elimination area.

MePhone: Aah, the first person voted out. A distinction no one wants, but debatably all of you earned. I mean, from moment one, Nickel and Balloon wouldn't stop bickering!

Balloon, annoyed: Okay, that was pretty one-sided, like, c'mon.

MePhone: Lifering, your inability to sink, sunk the challenge for your entire team!

Lifering: Okay, I admit my diving form could've been stronger.

Tea Kettle: Oh, please, he's not talking about that!

MePhone: But at least he even attempted. Blueberry, looking at you, pal!

Blueberry: Notice how no one has gone after Box? This is my life... what's the use...

Box: *silence*

MePhone: You're absolutely right! Anyways, you've cast all your votes, and the contestant with the most votes will be knocked out of the competition. I'll read the votes.

MePhone's screen lights up to see who's voted for who.

MePhone: First vote... Lifering!

Lifering looks scared, while Tea Kettle looks to the camera, smug.

MePhone: ...Blueberry.

Blueberry looks emotionless, while Nickel looks smug.

MePhone: ...Nickel. One vote Lifering, one vote Blueberry, one vote Nickel.

''The camera flickers towards each contestant mentioned, each looking alarmed, yet Nickel looks slightly angry and confused. The camera rests on Box for a moment, hinting to the fact that maybe Box voted for Nickel (somehow).''

MePhone: ...Lifering. Two votes Lifering.

''Lifering looks very scared. Tea Kettle and Balloon smile, hinting the fact they both voted for him.''

MePhone: Blueberry. Two votes Lifering, two votes Blueberry, one vote Nickel. One vote left. The first contestant knocked out...

All the contestants mentioned look on with terror in the suspense.

MePhone: ...is Blueberry. It's time for your ride home.

Blueberry gets off his eat and progresses towards MePhone, while Lifering looks relieved.

Lifering: Oh, thank you! The real life savers over here!

Everyone looks slightly surprised and confused.

MePhone, cheerful: Blueberry, you've been knocked out!

MePhone pulls on a curtain string, revealing a massive metal boxing glove fist.

MePhone: Glad I got that thing fixed. Anything to add before your departure?

Blueberry: What's the use... Nothing I say matters... nothing matters...

MePhone: Couldn't have said it better myself.

MePhone presses the button, the fist punches Blueberry, and sends him flying.

MePhone: And with Blueberry gone, can the Blue Team recover after losing it's bluest member? Find out next time on Inanimate Insanity Inviational!

The screen fades to black, returning to an unknown island. Blueberry lands there.

Blueberry: Good... leave me here... just leave me be...

A walkie-talkie-radio-thing strapped to a tree starts to beep and talk.

Walkie-talkie: Welcome to Indefinite Island! Congratulations! Yooou've been eliminated. Get ready to stay here for a while... IF you want another chance. (Fast) No guarentees have been made as of recording this recording, restrictions may apply.

The walkie-talkie cuts off, as the focus turns back to Blueberry.

Blueberry: This place seems nice. (he smiles)

...

(End)

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