The Shame of the Name/Transcript

=  Boaty's Funeral  = Test Tube: We're gathered here... to remember... our dear friend Boaty, the truly unforgettable vessel that brought us into this strange new competition. Yang has prepared a few words.

Yang starts his funeral words

Yang: [CLEARS THROAT] Yes, um... I did not like the boat, but, when it exploded, that was my favorite part! [LAUGHS] Kaboom! I wish Boaty exploded more. Thank you.

''Applause. Fast forward to Paintbrush finishing talking to Test Tube.''

Test Tube: Of course, of course.

Fan: That was a beautiful service, Test Tube.

Test Tube: Thank you, Fan. Oh, did you also prepare a eulogy?

Fan: Oh, no no. This is- well, actually, remember when we were "taking the Cab" last time? Well, while we were in there, I couldn't help but notice-

Fan shows his file to Test Tube taken from Cabby's cab.

Test Tube: [GASP] Fan! Invasion of privacy!

Fan: I know, I know, but I saw this file on me and, well, that's an invasion of mine too, isn't it? Besides, I bet Cabby's just got a few casual observations about me. You know, rad, cool, impressive personal growth. Care to do the honors?

Test Tube: Fine.

Test Tube takes the file, opens it and then gasps.

Fan: What? Is it bad, or- or are you just lost in thought while reading?

Test Tube: This file is... is... impeccable. There are so many notes.

Fan: Gah! Let me see.

Fan takes the file from TT's hands and reads it.

Fan: [GASP] Oh... my... gosh! How does she know about all of this?!

The floor appears behind them.

The Floor: All of what?

Fan: Oh. Hello.

The Floor: How's it going?

Fan: Good, good.

The Floor: Heh heh, nice. I'm doing great. Lovely weather, yeah?

Fan: Yes, uh... this is a bit of a private conversation. Do you mind?

The Floor: Oh! Yeah, sure. Go on and enjoy your conversation. I'll just be here.

Awkward silence by then Fan and Test Tube skipping away from The Floor.

The Floor: Man, this day is just great.

[Intro]

=  The Start  = Nickel: And you're sure you voted for Blueberry, not me, right?

Balloon: Yes, Nickel, I'm sure. Are YOU sure you didn't vote for yourself, hmm?

Nickel: Oh, what, and pull a Balloon? Ha! Yeah, no, not likely.

Tea Kettle: Hi, boys! Hungry for any hors d'oeuvres?

Balloon: Oh, uh... that's very nice, Tea Kettle, but uh... maybe later?

Nickel: Yeah, we'll get to them in a minute.

Tea Kettle: Oh. Uh, sure thing hun.

''Tea Kettle walks away. Then Balloon and Nickel starts whispering behind her back while she comes back to them again.''

Tea Kettle: Youuuuuuu better eat them now, or they'll all be gone! You need your energy! Hors d'oeuvres!

Nickel: LOOK Lady, I said we'll have them LATER!

Tea Kettle gets steamed up.

Tea Kettle: And I said HORS D'OEUVRRRRRRRRRS!!!!!

The Floor pops behind Tea Kettle and stops Kettle's steam up.

The Floor: Hey, guys. Can I have one?

Tea Kettle: GET-

Steps on Floory's face.

Tea Kettle: LOST!

Floory disappears.

MePhone4: Seems our cast of castways is enjoying their time together. Let's round 'em up!

''MePhone4 Trigger the alarm. Then it stops.''

Candle: That's a lovely noise, but might l suggest one that's a bit more soothing?

Mephone: Jeez, want me to bend over backwards too? Not today! Cuz l’ve got a challenge that’s entirely in your hands!

Silver Spoon: Goodness! more work? [SIGH] l was just starting to enjoy myself here...

Paintbrush: Trust me, it doesn’t get any better.

Mephone: Where did that attitude come from? Your fans and favorites! You live to love this stuff!

Clover: Hi, um, that's where I'm a little confused. What are we fans... of?

The Floor: Yeah I don't get it either.

Mephone: Wha- the show of course!

Cabby: Correction. None of us are "fans". Although I do happen to know more than most about the show. I suppose you can consider the majority of us... mandatory volunteers... against our wills.

Fan: How is it that she knows everything?

Fan in the CDC: Like, right here: "Fan is not one to keep his composure" Y'see that-- wait a- d- that is a RIDICULOUSLY INNACCURATE claim, if I've ever heard one! Composure?! [LAUGHS UNCOMPOSURELY] How's she even know that?! I gotta know right now!

MePhone4: Well, I wanted a fun tagline, but I suppose Fans vs. Favorites won't do, so... here's a new one!

Showing the oldcomers.

MePhone4: Something old,

Showing the newcomers.

MePhone4: Something new,

Showing a SPOIL LEMONS Ticket.

MePhone4: Something borrowed, and

Pointing at himself.

MePhone4: Something Blue!

Bow: Jeez honey it's not like we're married.

Goo: Oh, I get it! It's like when you come across that old toy car in your basement? With the broken wheel! And you give it a new paint job! But that broken wheel... That's there forever...

MePhone4: Yup, sure! Now get into your teams people because it's time to make your OWN tagline.

Team Blue, Team Yellow, and Team Pink appearing on-screen.

= ''' Challenge Time!  = MePhone4:''' Team Blue, Team Yellow, and Team Pink. I admit they're pretty great colors but they need a little more pizzaz!

Explaining the second challenge on-screen

MePhone4: You've all gotta come up with a new team name within the time period! The worst name will have the misfortune of sending one of your team members packing. Not to mention you get to keep the horrible name!

OJ: So uh, how much time do we have?

MePhone4: I dunno, I'm gonna go take a walk and when I'm back you guys better have those names ready to FIRE! See ya!

Cabby: Okay Pink Team, we're looking for a team name that will impress MePhone4, now...

MEANWHILE CABBY CONTINUES TALKING

Fan: I-I'm just gonna go over and ask!.

Starts walking towards Cabby

Test Tube: No Fan don't we, we don't know what's she's capable of!

Fan stops walking.

Fan: She doesn't know what I'M capable of! If she's gonna say I'm "Notoriously impulsive" she's gonna have to deal with that too.

Cabby: -together and appeal to his good side!

Bow: Okay, I have no idea what you just said, but... I like pink, so, maybe we can work with that.

Fan: Hey, uh, File Cabinet, can we chat real fast over here?

Comes to Fan and starts skipping with him

Cabby: Sure, but just call me Cabby. File Cabinet's a little too on the nose, wouldn't you agree? [GIGGLES].

Fan: [LAUGHS AWKWARDLY].

Lifering: Listen crewmates, I'm REAL sorry for sinking our last challenge. But I wanna make it up to you! I've got the best team name ready to fire!

Balloon: Alright! Let's hear it!

Lifering: Great! Well, I hope you guys are up for a little humility!

Nickel: Oh, oh goodness no! We could never DARE to make fun of ourselves!

Lifering: Oh, I'm sorry Nickel I- I Didn't realize you felt so strongly about this.

Balloon pushes Nickel's head a bit down.

Balloon: Nonono, just ignore him.

Tea Kettle: PLEASE stop spieling and get to the point!

Lifering: Okay! I think our team name should be... [DRUMROLLS] THE SINKERS!

Balloon: HaHA! I Get it! That's a fun one!

Nickel: Hmm, The Sinkers, like we'll like we'll SINK the rest of them! Hah! Cool.

Lifering: Yeah! Reclaim it! Give US the power now! Haha!... What're your thoughts, TK?

Tea Kettle in the CDC: I'm not sure what I was supposed to say. Sure, it was a pretty fakakta name. But I could tell Lifering was really giving it his all. Plus, I did try to vote him out... so...

Tea Kettle: You boys really did a great job with this one!

Lifering smiles.

Tea Kettle: HERE! Have a celebratory nosh with... Hors d'oeuvres!

Everyone having a "Meh" expression.

Nickel: Oh wait! We haven't asked Box what he thinks!

Nickel looks at Box.

Box: *Silence*

Lifering: Hmm... Tough Nuts.

Nickel: No, no I'm sure he likes it, he just wants to uh... consider other options! Always in his head! Heh.

Floor hearing everything they said by then disappearing and coming back to Team Yellow.

The Floor: Yeah, so, Blue Team's gonna be The Sinkers.

OJ, YY, and Paintbrush GASPS on-screen.

Paintbrush: That's TOO SOON! Poor Boaty never knew what hit 'em.

OJ: Insensitive for sure... MePhone will like it. But we're gonna have to THINK of something even better!

Candle: Our team name should represent all of our collective energy... and bring us together... as one... mind...

Silver Spoon: You should try not to talk so much my dear... you'll sound far less stupid that way.

Paintbrush: If WE wanna do better than the other team, we have to THINK of a one-up to their name!

Yang: Ooh! Ooh! I know! The Drinkers! Cuz we only drink Dr.Fizz!... What? You're not going to say it?

Yin: I'm not giving in to that again. Plus, I'm sure everyone thinks that's a pretty dumb name.

The Floor: Yeah, I think it's... pretty lame.

Yang: GAHH! Not nice!

Silver Spoon: Yes, I agree with Groundy.

The Floor: Floory.

Silver Spoon: Beneath me.

Yang: No! Above me! Loser!

Yang Kicks Silver Spoon up in the sky.

Silver Spoon: [SCREAMS]

Yang: [Malicious LAUGH]

Candle CHIME with a crystal and gets everyone's attention.

Candle: Everyone... please... join me in a circle. There's too much tension in the air. [EVERYONE SITS] We won't able to agree until we all link our minds.

SILVER SPOON SCREAMS AND COMES BACK FROM THE SKY

Candle: Wonderful. Now, with me... breathe in. [Everyone breathes in] Breathe out. [Everyone breathes out] Now... THINK of all the partners on our team. What are their thoughts?

Yang: Stupid.

Yin: Oh hush!

Candle: [CHIME AGAIN] Yes... now.... THINK together as one mind. [Everyone starts thinking] What do we see?

[EVERYONE's HEADVOICES]: THINK... THINK... THINK!

Paintbrush: Think... wait! [STOPS THINKING] That's it! We should BE-

OJ Interrups Paintbrush by saying:

OJ: OH, I KNOW! The Thinkers! [EVERYONE GASPS and then AGREEDS] Y'know cuz we're all THINKING together! Hah! Wow, you're good at that, Candle.

The Floor: I THINK... that's a good name, yeah?

Candle: [GIGGLES]

Silver Spoon: Hah! Floory, you little rascal!

Cabby: So, what's this about?

Both Fan and Cabby stops skipping.

Fan: Well, uh...

Fan shows his stolen file to Cabby.

Cabby: [GASPS] My FILE!!! You... you took it?!

Fan: I'm sorry, I saw a file with my name on it. I just wanted to know--

Cabby: If you wanted to know something, all you have to do is say PLEASE! I'm more than happy to share my knowlege with those who kindly ask.

Test Tube: We'll make sure to ask next time. Right, Fan!?

Fan: Yes, of course, but, Cabby. How do you have all of this knowledge? This is very intensive work and... I gotta be curious.

Cabby: Look, I admire that you've both taken such an interest! Truly I'm flattered that you two who claim to be so intelligent would be impressed by my work, but in the end you just need to trust that I'm doing this for a good reason. You shouldn't be so concerned!

Test Tube: Oh, well, thanks!

Fan: Test Tube, she literally didn't answer anything. And, excuse me but... "CLAIM to be so INTELLIGENT?"

Cabby: Oh, I'm so sorry, no offense at all, but, the two of you are very niche examples of intelligence. Test Tube you are VERY well versed within the areas of science, but, I haven't logged you participating in any other areas. Meanwhile Fan, you're truly a big... FAN of the show, but you've often made mistakes even within your OWN research. Like Lightbulb shattering 6 times by Season 2 Episode 7? I think the Number 1 FAN of Inanimate Insanity would know that she actually shattered 7 times. Not to mention an 8th time in Episode 13... which you actually caused.

Fan: Wha-uh- BY ACCIDENT!!! And don't get saucy with me, I AM THE Number 1 Fan! And might I add that some of your notes are grossly inaccurate. "Acts impulsively?" "Awkward shut-in?" If you're gonna be a HUB full of knowledge, you could at the very least... (Camera zooms on Fan's face) cite your sources properly.

Cabby: My sources are my solace. And these filers ARE my evidence. Now Fan, if you want to learn anything, particulary the art of asking before TAKING I have a file on good manners that I'd HAPPILY RENT OUT TO YOU SHOULD YOU KINDLY REQUEST IT. [Puts Fan's file on her cabbinet from then closing it] In the meantime, DON'T... touch my stuff.

While Cabby goes away, Floory Appears behind Test Tube and Fan.

The Floor: Wow, that was pretty rough.

Fan: WILL YOU GET-

Goo: Sooooo, we're supposed to make the team name now, right? Any ideas?

Bow: I just... Pink, y'know. Like, why change it?

Goo: Mhm, and what do you think, Clov-errr?

Goo Looks confused at Clover meanwhile she's cutely looking at a butterfly.

Clover in the CDC: What? I got distracted. Butterflies are sooo cute! Hehehe!

MePhone4 comes back from his walk

MePhone4: Man, that was a GREAT walk! Sure took a lot of steps. [Uses himself to see how many steps he did] Yup, great workout. Anywho, what's up with you guys?

Cabby comes back to her team while Goo and Bow are worried.

Cabby: So, how did things go?

Goo: Things? Uh, oh yeah, things! They're A-MAAA-ZING!! Like a tree that wanted a fun day and then got struck by LIGHTING! IT'S PERFECT!!! Over here...

MePhone4: First up, Yellow team, what's your new name?

OJ: So, we thought it over as a group, and I'm proud to say--

Paintbrush interrups OJ by saying:

Paintbrush: SO PROUD to be called... ''' THE THINKERS!  [Team's jingle starts]'''

Balloon: W-what?! You took our name! And just changed it a little bit!

Paintbrush: Hmhm! Well, you could say we were just "Creatively inspired"?

Tea Kettle: More like NOSY! Next time that face comes near us he'll end up SIX FEET UNDER!

The Floor: [GULP]

MePhone4: Not a bad name, I've heard way worse. Blue Team you're up next!

Lifering: Uh, well... uh... [Nickel speaks to Box and both agreed] Okay... we've decided our team name will BE... ''' THE SINKERS!  [Team's jingle starts]'''

MePhone4: Flipping your embarrassing loss from last time, I see.

Lifering: Ouegh!

MePhone4: But the name is still a cheap rip-off nonetheless. And you know HOW much I hate those!

Tea Kettle: But-but it was our- UGH!!!

Tea Kettle throws her Hors D'oeuvres on the floor from anger, by then Floory teleporting to TK's thrown Hors D'oeuvres on the floor.

The Floor: Hooray!

Tea Kettle appears on-screen again with an angrier expression.

The Floor: aAA-! [Teleports away].

MePhone4: Pink Team I hope you've come up with something better.

Goo: Uhhh... well... y'know... we were thinking... [Meanwhile Bow is getting more and more nervous] maybe... uhhh...

Bow jumps high by saying:

Bow: ''' THE PINKERS!  [Team's jingle starts].'''

MePhone4: Why.

Bow: Um... uh... [WHISPERS] Please help.

Goo: It's... because... OF YOU MEPHONE! You are the inspiration for this team name! Because you bestowed us the amaaaaaazing color of pink! And we've all felt that it's become such a part of our (Meanwhile Bow's making signs with her hands saying to go on and Cabby writing more informations on his file) group's identity that... we can't just throw it away... like- LIKE a bad keychain! So, yes. We are... The Pinkers!

MePhone4: Ah, that was so touching! But the name is so dumb, Pink Team loses.

Goo: [OFF-SCREEN] Aww.

MePhone4: So, that means that one of The Pinkers will be going home.

Bow: I really thought it was a good name.

Clover: Woah, we lost? This is a new feeling.

Fan: I guess we just, don't know any better unlike some people who I guess KNOWS EVERYTHING!! [Walks away]

Test Tube in the CDC: Fan's discomposure is... understandable. Even I'm not feeling up to par today. But Cabby's just got... so many notes! How do I compete with that!?

Cabby looks at Bow's file by then going towards her.

Cabby: Hey, Bow.

Bow: Hey, Cab.

Cabby: Listen, I already talked to Goo, He won't vote for you tonight so, you don't have to worry! And Clover, well I think I can convince her easily.

Cabby Shows Clover's favourite butterfly on her finger.

Bow: K.

Cabby: I personally loved that pink name you suggested, buuuuut it seems like Fan had some attitude towards it. So I think we need to band together tonight.

Bow: Oooh! Is this an appliance?

Cabby: No, but I can tell you what that is later. For now, just vote with me and you'll be fine.

Bow: Hmm, I mean like, I guess?

Cabby: Y'know, I did hear that one time Fan sat on a C̶̨͉͎͉͍̞̯̤̯̞̆h̶̛̛͙̥̯̉̋̽͂̔̾̏̽ą̷̧̣̠̙̺̮̙̲̳̜̞͍̈́̿̇̀ͅį̸̡͔̓͗̾͑̔́͗͊̆̽̋ŗ̴̝͚̬͇͍̤̣̗̣̤̰̼̺̝̿̾ and broke it!

Bow: Sorry, I... must've spaced out there. What did you say?

Cabby: I said Fan once broke a [Camera zooms on her mouth] C̶̨͉͎͉͍̞̯̤̯̞̆h̶̛̛͙̥̯̉̋̽͂̔̾̏̽ą̷̧̣̠̙̺̮̙̲̳̜̞͍̈́̿̇̀ͅį̸̡͔̓͗̾͑̔́͗͊̆̽̋ŗ̴̝͚̬͇͍̤̣̗̣̤̰̼̺̝̿̾.

Bow: [Makes a weird reaction] I don't really know what you're saying. But, I guess?

Cabby: Great I'll see ya over there!

Cabby walks away writing an information about Bow on her file while having a worried expression.

Goo: [Crawling towards Bow] So... we working with her?

Bow: I dunno, she's scary. And made my head hurt.

= ''' Elimination Time! ' = Everyone's now at the elimination.''

MePhone4: So, Pinkers are you happy with the name Bow chose?

Goo: Yeah! I've embraced it! Like a snail in the sun. [Bow smiles on-screen]

Clover: I don't mind it either, and neither does my wittle fwiend. [Shows her butterfly above her finger on-screen] No you don't.

MePhone4: Well, your pathetic choices don't right matter now because the viewers have their power back, and their word beats yours.

Cabby: Well, THIS would've been nice to know.

MePhone4: Tonight's immunity goes to:

MePhone4 screen lights up to show who's safe.

MePhone4: ...Bow.

Bow: OMG I win!

MePhone4: I dunno how or why the viewers decided you're safe tonight.

Bow: But they did, so they all get-! Uh... hm...

MePhone4: Right, so now it's time to read the votes!

MePhone's screen lights up to see who's voted for who.

MePhone4: First vote... Fan.

Fan looks scared at first, by then looking menacingly at Cabby.

MePhone4: ...Fan. That's two votes Fan.

''Fan looks REAL scared, same with Test Tube. Meanwhile Clover is enjoying at looking at her butterfly.''

MePhone4: ...Cabby.

Cabby looks confused, while Goo looks sad.

MePhone4: ...Cabby. That's two votes Fan, two votes Cabby.

All 3, Bow, Cabby, Test Tube looks scared.

MePhone4: ...Fan. That's three votes Fan, two votes Cabby.

Fan looks real scared again meanwhile Cabby looks scare while she's writing in one of her files.

MePhone4: One vote left.

Everyone looks pretty scared overall, except for Clover.

MePhone4: Second person voted out is... Fan.

Test Tube looks very schocked.

= ''' The End!  = Fan:''' Aw schucks. Well, things got a little heated near the end there but this was fun!

Fan walking towards Cabby while she's closing her down cab.

Fan: No hard feelings, Cabby. You DO freak me out a little, but like in an impressive way.

Both shake hands

Cabby: I'll note you took your elimination in stride.

MePhone4: So Fan, It's time to send you home.

First Thingy gets showed on-screen for Fan's elimination

Fan: Wait, I get to be punched by the Fist Thingy? Oh, this is an honor. Send me back to the hotel!

MePhone4: Not exactly, but I'm sure you'll find your way there eventually.

Fan: WAIT, actually, just one quick thing.

Fan whispers to Test Tube on the ear something that isn't audible.

Test Tube: I promise I will, when the time is right.

Fan: Alright, hit me.

Fan screams by getting punched back to the island.

MePhone4: Well, we lost Fan, and it apparently all the other fans aren't even fans.

Screen showing everyone who's left in The Pinkers, kinda being scared and sad except for Clover.

MePhone4: But, YOU ARE! And that's exactly what makes you all my favorites. Stay Tuned!

''Screen goes up showing the moon by then following it with a black screen. Showing later Fan arriving to Indefinite island meanwhile screaming.''

Blueberry: No... my personal space.

Fan: Nice to see you as well, and WOAH! What is this place? I am not a FAN of... Spooky Island! What is this like mixed media? Oh give me a break.

The Walkie-Talkie attached to a tree starts activating.

Walkie-Talkie: Ooh! Another visitor! [CLEARS THROAT] Welcome to Indefinite Island. Get ready to stay here for a while. If-

Fan interrupt the Walkie-Talkie.

Fan: Yeah, lem-lemme stop you right there, I'm not staying. I don't need a second creepy location spent in isolation with a mysterious disembodied speaker voice. This is bringing up some memories.

Blueberry: Yay... more room for me.

Walkie-Talkie: Well, I GUESS you don't have to stay. If you, uh, don't want another chance.

Rowboat shows on-screen

Walkie-Talkie: Uh, you can leave on the rowboat then. That does sound like a cool story though.

Fan: [GASP] It was! Alright, before I go. It all started: When I had this nightmare right? It was really abstract, and black and white and cinematic and then I--

Meanwhile Fan's still talking.

Blueberry: Uhhhhhgggggghhh...

'Tea Kettle:  Adamation! '

[The End]

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