A Kick in the Right Direction/Transcript

Regular version
(everyone looks weirded and/or confused, Fan especially)

Nickel: This is the best you could do?

Toilet: Aha! Dough is just like Bow, but different! Instead of chairs, he likes stairs!

Dough: They're the best. (proceeds to fall down elimination stairs)

Marshmallow: How could you just replace her with that THING?!

Fan: It's... not the same...

MePhone: It's everything you liked about Bow in a new, different form! So quit complaining! Anyway, the winner of the next challenge will win Dough as a new member of their team, so this challenge is a soccer match.

Dough: Wouldn't it, like, be better if it was, like, a bear competition, because bears are so totally awesome.

Paintbrush: Wait, aren't you addicted to stairs?

Dough: Pfft. Those are so, like, thirty-four seconds ago. I like bears. Alright, wilderness!

MePad: And what's next? Mares?

MePhone: Now, since the Grand-(pushes Toilet away) Now, since the Grand Slams outnumber the Bright Lights, we need someone from the Grand Slams to sit out. Sooo... Nickel. Go sit in the bleachers.

Nickel: What?! But this is soccer! The sport for the legs only!

MePhone: I know. Now get out.

Lightbulb: Alrighty sports fans, we're going to have to dribble around those bases to get the touchdowns we need to checkmate the other team!

Paintbrush: *sigh* Lightbulb! I really appreciate you winning the last challenge, really, I do! But we really need to get our head in the game here, so please, don't do anything stupid!

Lightbulb: You can count on me. If we're gonna hit that bullseye, we're gonna knock those pins down as a team, but you can't be drownin'!

Paintbrush: Right...

Fan: I'll volunteer as goalie. You DON'T want me out on the field. Uh-uh.

(scene changes to a soccer field)

Balloon: So... who's gonna be our goalie?

Baseball: Uhh... Mic, how 'bout you?

Microphone: Aww, but I want to play out on the field! I'm sure I'll do great!

Baseball: Yeah, well... you've had a tendency to mess up challenges with your, uh... loudness, so maybe it's best you just take it easy.

Microphone: But I won the dodgeball contest! What do you think, Suitcase?

Suitcase: Uh... I guess if that's what my alliance member wants...

Microphone (depressed) Okay... (walks up to goal) I'll show them! I'm not screwing this up.

MePhone: Whichever team is the first to five goals wins. Get your mark, on set... (blows whistle)

Lightbulb: (to Apple) Yo, vitamin C, send me!

Apple: Here, Marshmallow, take it! (kicks to Marshmallow)

Marshmallow: Umm... O-kay, then... (kicks ball to Paintbrush)

Microphone: Come on! Come on! Hit me with your best shot!

(Paintbrush runs up, but is knocked over by Baseball)

Microphone: *sigh*

(Baseball kicks it towards the Light's goal, but Fan opens up, blocking it)

Paintbrush: Nice save, Fan!

Fan: Wow! I never knew I could be good at sports! Maybe I should rethink spending my life in front of of a computer screen! (picks up ball and tosses it to Test Tube)

(Test Tube receives ball, but ball is stolen by Soap)

Soap: Ha!

Test Tube: Uhhhh...

(Soap kicks ball to Baseball, who sends it flying at Fan, tearing through him and scoring a goal for the Slams)

Fan: *sigh* Never mind...

Baseball: Le-egs!

(Cheesy runs up with ball and kicks it towards Fan, who jumps to avoid it, sealing another goal as team cheers for Cheesy)

Cheesy: Heheh. Who knew all that slapping would give my leg endurance?

Apple: Marsh, my buddy ol' pal, take it. You got this! (kicks ball over Marshmallow)

Marshmallow: Noooo!

(ball lands on Knife's feet)

Apple: Hey! Give that back! That ball was for Marshmallow!

Knife: Uhh, sorry. No.

Apple: How would you like it if I took your Dora Doll, sissy?

Knife: Oh, in that case, here you go! (kicks ball in Apple's face) You like that?

MePhone: (blows whistle) Knife, that's a penalty for unnecessary roughness. Sit on the bleachers.

Microphone, Soap, Balloon: Oooooooh! (Test Tube walks up to them, spouting gibberish)

Knife: Grrrrr! Fine! (sits on bleachers next to Nickel)

Nickel: Knife, what was that?! I thought after you saw how mean Trophy acted, you would become a nicer person!

Knife: Look. I'm a jerk, remember?

Nickel: Listen. We're more alike then you think. Mean thoughts fill my head too! You just gotta transform them into sarcasm so you won't come off as mean to people!

Knife: Sure, whatever. Worth a shot.

Dough: Hey guys, I'm bored. (to Microphone:) Hey, you! I'm like, bored!

Microphone: So am I, but not enough to talk to you.

Dough: Well, you should totally buy a dare.

Microphone: Another chair rhyme, huh? Guess what. Nobody cares! (ball flies past Microphone as Lights cheer)

Microphone: What?! No!

Baseball: What was THAT, Microphone? Okay. Clearly you need to be even FURTHER from the action. I'll be goalie now.

Microphone: WHAT?! BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!

Baseball: Augh! Why don't you go play another position?

Microphone: (turns herself off) Fine! (to Dough:) You! I dare you to jump off a bridge!

Dough: Ugh. Like, mean.

Nickel: So for sarcasm, you gotta use this tone.

Knife: Oh. ''This tone. ''I think I've done that before. But I never knew it was an art.

Nickel: Well, now you can witness the artist in action. Hey, Dough! You're really a great Bow knockoff!

Dough: Yah, whatevs.

Nickel: See? I got my feelings out without coming off as a complete jerk! Now you try!

Knife: Okay. Hey. Cheesy! Your jokes are terrible!

Cheesy: Oh. So we got a heckler in the crowd today, eh?

Nickel: Knife! That's not how it works!

Knife: But I'm doing that emphasis on some words thing that you did!

Nickel: Ugh, sorry Cheesy, you don't understand.

Cheesy: Oh, I understand. This sharp guy thinks he's better than me!

Suitcase: Cheesy! We're still playing!

Cheesy: You think you're funnier than me, Knife? Why, I oughta (begins to punch, but is punched first by Knife)

Nickel: Why did you do that?!

Knife: My bad. Just a reflex.

Nickel: Yeah, that'll make people like you.

Knife: Really? Or, wait, is that the sarcasm again?

Nickel: Aaaaugh!

Apple: Yes, I got the ball back! Marshmallow, where (is punched into ground by Yin-Yang) Augh!

Yin-Yang: (Yang) Hah! Take this, losers! (kicks ball into own goal)

Fan: Hey!

Yin-Yang: (Yin) Yes! I mean, no! That was the wrong goal! (Yang) No, I'm pretty sure it was the right goal! (punches Fan while holding ball)

Fan: What?! (ball lands in goal again)

Yin-Yang: (Yin) Okay, that time was on purpose. (Yang) So was the last time! Idiot!

Soap: Aww... it's cute when they argue!

Paintbrush: (clears throat) Lightbulb, someone's been acting pretty offensive, and I think that somebody deserves to go to the Calm Down Corner.

Lightbulb: Couldn't agree more, Painty! (beat) So, uh, what are you waiting for, go.

Paintbrush: WHAT?! Not me, I'm perfectly calm!!

Lightbulb: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judicial branch. Let's go.

Paintbrush: HMPH! (goes to Calm Down Corner)

Lightbulb: What a spaaz...

Baseball: Well, not much competition when the competition is helping us win!

Yin-Yang: (Yang) (laughs evill)

Dough (quietly): You suck!

Nickel: Here, Knife, let's try this one more time. Uh... Balloon! You're so trustworthy!

Balloon: Huh? What's with the sarcasm? Oh, come on, guys, I thought you were just starting to like me!

Knife: We do!

Balloon: So you're saying you don't? (runs off crying)

Knife: Ughh. Well, this plan worked perfectly!

Nickel: Wait. Say that again.

Knife: I said this was a great idea.

Nickel: You did it! That's sarcasm!

Knife: Oh, really? Well, thanks for showing it to me, Nickel. I really appreciate it!

Nickel: No proble- HEY!

MePhone: Okay, we're entering the final minutes of this game, and Bright Lights, since you're so far behind, I've decided to give you one last chance to catch up. Each of you gets a penalty shot against the Grand Slams.

Test Tube: Guys, according to my grade school calculations, we have to get at least four shots past Baseball to win!

Fan: Four shots?! We'll NEVER make it!

Lightbulb: Calm down, Paper. If we put our minds to it, we can accomplish anything! And we can't act like spazzes on the way. So let's win this challenge... The BRIGHT WAY!

(cheering plays as Marshmallow, Apple, Test Tube, and Fan all kick soccer balls at the goal, which harmlessly bounce off Baseball as cheering stops)

Lightbulb: Well, I think that was a bit, how you say, anticlimactic.

MePhone: And that's the end of this challenge. The Grand Slams win by a landslide.

Yin-Yang: (Yang) Serves my loser team right.

Microphone: Well, at least we won, but next time my skills are really gonna kick in!

Cheesy (slaps knee) ''Ha! Kick! Soccer! Pun!''

MePhone: So Grand Slams, as your prize, you get Dough on your team!

Grand Slams: Yay- *groan*

Suitcase: I, for one, welcome this new change to our team. We can't just live in the past! We have to move on; be willing to try new things!

Dough: I agree. Copy the past. Never try anything different. Yah guys, it's going to be amazing. Now who wants to buy an affair? (gets eaten by Yin-Yang)

Suitcase: ''Ahh! Yin-Yang! Why'd you do that?''

Yin-Yang; (Yang) Yin ate him! (Yin) You can't be serious! (Yang) It couldn't have been me! I'm gluten-free! (Yin) Okay, I ate him. I was starving!

MePhone: Oh no! Dough's dead now too!

Baseball: Well, you can always bring him back to life, right?

MePhone: I would, but I never had the time to create a life icon for him. What a shame!

Knife: Sarcasm. I like it.

MePhone: So Dough is dead forever. Looks like he isn't joining the game. So sad. Anyway, vote for a Bright Light on inanimateinsanity.com.

(credits roll)

(scene cuts to Calm Down Corner at night, with Paintbrush still sitting in it.)

Paintbrush: *sigh*

Netflix version
(everyone looks weirded and/or confused, Fan especially)

Nickel: This is the best you could do?

Toilet: Aha! Dough is just like Bow, but different! Instead of chairs, he likes stairs!

Dough: They're the best. (proceeds to fall down elimination stairs)

Marshmallow: How could you just replace her with that THING?!

MePhone: It's everything you liked about Bow in a new, different form! Anyway, the winner of the next challenge will win Dough as a new member of their team, so this challenge is a soccer match.

Dough: Wouldn't it, like, be better if it was, like, a bear competition, because bears are so totally awesome.

Paintbrush: Wait, aren't you addicted to stairs?

Dough: Pfft. Those are so, like, thirty-four seconds ago. I like bears. Alright, wilderness!

MePad: And what's next? Mares?

MePhone: Now, since the Grand-(pushes Toilet away) Now, since the Grand Slams outnumber the Bright Lights, we need someone from the Grand Slams to sit out. Sooo... Nickel. Go sit in the bleachers.

Nickel: What?! But this is soccer! The sport for the legs only!

MePhone: I know.

Lightbulb: Alrighty sports fans, we're going to have to dribble around those bases to get the touchdowns we need to checkmate the other team!

Paintbrush: *sigh* Lightbulb! I really appreciate you winning the last challenge, really, I do! But we really need to get our head in the game here, so please, don't do anything stupid!

Lightbulb: You can count on me. If we're gonna hit that bullseye, we're gonna knock those pins down as a team, but you can't be drownin'!

Paintbrush: Right...

Fan: I'll volunteer as goalie. You DON'T want me out on the field. Uh-uh.

(scene changes to a soccer field)

Balloon: So... who's gonna be our goalie?

Baseball: Uhh... Mic, how 'bout you?

Microphone: Aww, but I want to play out on the field! I'm sure I'll do great!

Baseball: Yeah, well... you've had a tendency to mess up challenges with your, uh... loudness, so maybe it's best you just take it easy.

Microphone: But I won the dodgeball contest! What do you think, Suitcase?

Suitcase: Uh... I guess if that's what my alliance member wants...

Microphone (depressed) Okay... (walks up to goal) I'll show them! I'm not screwing this up.

MePhone: Whichever team is the first to five goals wins. Get your mark, on set... (blows whistle)

Lightbulb: (to Apple) Yo, vitamin C, send me!

Apple: Here, Marshmallow, take it! (kicks to Marshmallow)

Marshmallow: Umm... O-kay, then... (kicks ball to Paintbrush)

Microphone: Come on! Come on! Hit me with your best shot!

(Paintbrush runs up, but is knocked over by Baseball)

Microphone: *sigh*

(Baseball kicks it towards the Light's goal, but Fan opens up, blocking it)

Paintbrush: Nice save, Fan!

Fan: Wow! I never knew I could be good at sports! Maybe I should rethink spending my life in front of of a computer screen! (picks up ball and tosses it to Test Tube)

(Test Tube receives ball, but ball is stolen by Soap)

Soap: Ha!

Test Tube: Uhhhh...

(Soap kicks ball to Baseball, who sends it flying at Fan, tearing through him and scoring a goal for the Slams)

Fan: *sigh* Never mind...

Baseball: Le-egs!

(Cheesy runs up with ball and kicks it towards Fan, who jumps to avoid it, sealing another goal as team cheers for Cheesy)

Cheesy: Heheh. Who knew all that slapping would give my leg endurance?

Apple: Marsh, my buddy ol' pal, take it. You got this! (kicks ball over Marshmallow)

Marshmallow: Noooo!

(ball lands on Knife's feet)

Apple: Hey! Give that back! That ball was for Marshmallow!

Knife: Uhh, sorry. No.

Apple: How would you like it if I took your Dora Doll, sissy?

Knife: Oh, in that case, here you go! (kicks ball in Apple's face) You like that?

MePhone: (blows whistle) Knife, that's a penalty for unnecessary roughness. Sit on the bleachers.

Knife: Grrrrr! Fine! (sits on bleachers next to Nickel)

Nickel: Knife, what was that?! I thought after you saw how mean Trophy acted, you would become a nicer person!

Knife: Look. I'm a jerk, remember?

Nickel: Listen. We're more alike then you think. Mean thoughts fill my head too! You just gotta transform them into sarcasm so you won't come off as mean to people!

Knife: Sure, whatever. Worth a shot.

Dough: Hey guys, I'm bored. (to Microphone:) Hey, you! I'm like, bored!

Microphone: So am I, but not enough to talk to you.

Dough: Well, you should totally buy a dare.

Microphone: Another chair rhyme, huh? Guess what. Nobody cares! (ball flies past Microphone as Lights cheer)

Microphone: What?! No!

Baseball: What was THAT, Microphone? Okay. Clearly you need to be even FURTHER from the action. I'll be goalie now.

Microphone: WHAT?! BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!

Baseball: Augh! Why don't you go play another position?

Microphone: (turns herself off) Fine! (to Dough:) You! I dare you to jump off a bridge!

Dough: Ugh. Like, mean.

Nickel: So for sarcasm, you gotta use this tone.

Knife: Oh. ''This tone. ''I think I've done that before. But I never knew it was an art.

Nickel: Well, now you can witness the artist in action. Hey, Dough! You're really a great Bow knockoff!

Dough: Yah, whatevs.

Nickel: See? I got my feelings out without coming off as a complete jerk! Now you try!

Knife: Okay. Hey. Cheesy! Your jokes are terrible!

Cheesy: Oh. So we got a heckler in the crowd today, eh?

Nickel: Knife! That's not how it works!

Knife: But I'm doing that emphasis on some words thing that you did!

Nickel: Ugh, sorry Cheesy, you don't understand.

Cheesy: Oh, I understand. This sharp guy thinks he's better than me!

Suitcase: Cheesy! We're still playing!

Cheesy: You think you're funnier than me, Knife? Why, I oughta (begins to punch, but is punched first by Knife)

Nickel: Why did you do that?!

Knife: My bad. Just a reflex.

Nickel: Yeah, that'll make people like you.

Knife: Really? Or, wait, is that the sarcasm again?

Nickel: Aaaaugh!

Apple: Yes, I got the ball back! Marshmallow, where (is punched into ground by Yin-Yang) Augh!

Yin-Yang: (Yang) Hah! Take this, losers! (kicks ball into own goal)

Fan: Hey!

Yin-Yang: (Yin) Yes! I mean, no! That was the wrong goal! (Yang) No, I'm pretty sure it was the right goal! (punches Fan while holding ball)

Fan: What?! (ball lands in goal again)

Yin-Yang: (Yin) Okay, that time was on purpose. (Yang) So was the last time! Idiot!

Soap: Aww... it's cute when they argue!

Paintbrush: (clears throat) Lightbulb, someone's been acting pretty offensive, and I think that somebody deserves to go to the Calm Down Corner.

Lightbulb: Couldn't agree more, Painty! (beat) So, uh, what are you waiting for, go.

Paintbrush: WHAT?! Not me, I'm perfectly calm!!

Lightbulb: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judicial branch. Let's go.

Paintbrush: HMPH! (goes to Calm Down Corner)

Lightbulb: What a spaaz...

Baseball: Well, not much competition when the competition is helping us win!

Yin-Yang: (Yang) (laughs evill)

Dough (quietly): You suck!

Nickel: Here, Knife, let's try this one more time. Uh... Balloon! You're so trustworthy!

Balloon: Huh? What's with the sarcasm? Oh, come on, guys, I thought you were just starting to like me!

Knife: We do!

Balloon: So you're saying you don't? (runs off crying)

Knife: Ughh. Well, this plan worked perfectly!

Nickel: Wait. Say that again.

Knife: I said this was a great idea.

Nickel: You did it! That's sarcasm!

Knife: Oh, really? Well, thanks for showing it to me, Nickel. I really appreciate it!

Nickel: No proble- HEY!

MePhone: Okay, we're entering the final minutes of this game, and Bright Lights, since you're so far behind, I've decided to give you one last chance to catch up. Each of you gets a penalty shot against the Grand Slams.

Test Tube: Guys, according to my grade school calculations, we have to get at least four shots past Baseball to win!

Fan: Four shots?! We'll NEVER make it!

Lightbulb: Calm down, Paper. If we put our minds to it, we can accomplish anything! And we can't act like spazzes on the way. So let's win this challenge... The BRIGHT WAY!

(cheering plays as Marshmallow, Apple, Test Tube, and Fan all kick soccer balls at the goal, which harmlessly bounce off Baseball as cheering stops)

Lightbulb: Well, I think that was a bit, how you say, anticlimactic.

MePhone: And that's the end of this challenge. The Grand Slams win by a landslide.

Yin-Yang: (Yang) Serves my loser team right.

Microphone: Well, at least we won, but next time my skills are really gonna kick in!

Cheesy (slaps knee) ''Ha! Kick! Soccer! Pun!''

MePhone: So Grand Slams, as your prize, you get Dough on your team!

Grand Slams: Yay- *groan*

Suitcase: I, for one, welcome this new change to our team. We can't just live in the past! We have to move on; be willing to try new things!

Dough: I agree. Copy the past. Never try anything different. Yah guys, it's going to be amazing. Now who wants to buy an affair? (gets eaten by Yin-Yang)

Suitcase: ''Ahh! Yin-Yang! Why'd you do that?''

Yin-Yang; (Yang) Yin ate him! (Yin) You can't be serious! (Yang) It couldn't have been me! I'm gluten-free! (Yin) Okay, I ate him. I was starving!

MePhone: Oh no! Dough's dead now too!

Baseball: Well, you can always bring him back to life, right?

MePhone: I would, but I never had the time to create a life icon for him. What a shame!

Knife: Sarcasm. I like it.

MePhone: So Dough is dead forever. Looks like he isn't joining the game. So sad. Anyway, vote for a Bright Light on inanimateinsanity.com.

(credits roll)

(scene cuts to Calm Down Corner at night, with Paintbrush still sitting in it.)

Paintbrush: *sigh*

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