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Episode Gallery Transcript
Character Scene/Script
(Scene: Sunny day, Marshmallow and Apple are drawing pictures, surrounded by flowers.)
Apple Look, Marshmallow! I drew us!
(Apple shows Marshmallow a poorly drawn picture of her and Marshmallow in a grassy field, with the words "Bast Frends" [sic] at the top. Above Apple and Marshmallow are their names, misspelled.)
Marshmallow That's nice, Apple! But... you did spell everything wrong.
Apple Oh, not again! (crumples up paper and tosses it into a large pile of crumpled-up paper) Anyway, what are you drawing?
Marshmallow Oh, pfft. It's nothing! (hides the picture from Apple's view)
Apple Let's take a look!
(Apple grabs Marshmallow's drawing. When she sees it, she gasps in horror. It is a scribbled picture of Bow and a chair. Apple looks extremely scared.)
Apple Why'd you draw that?
Marshmallow Well... to be honest... I've kinda been feeling guilty about... well... Bow.
Apple What? Why? Because you put her in a tiny box and made her turn evil and go on a rampage, kill MePhone5 and then she fell off a cliff... (inhales) ...caused a huge explosion, and killed herself?
Marshmallow I was going to say responsible for her death, but yeah, that too.
Apple Who cares about that? Bow was a disgusting and annoying menace!
Marshmallow Well, I for one thought she was really nice.
Apple Oh, uh, totally! She was awesome! Amazing! Heh...
Marshmallow You know what? Why is she even dead? Everyone else can just magically come back to life except her!
Apple Uhh...
Marshmallow I'm going to ask MePhone to bring Bow back! (walks away)
Apple Hey, wait! You don't have to do that!
(Cut to MePhone4 sitting by a tree, about to download MeOS 7.0.)
Marshmallow MePhone!
MePhone4 Oh, uhhh... (His screen goes black, and he speaks in a voice sounding like an automated message.) We're sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time.
Marshmallow You're not fooling me with that.
MePhone4 (screen turns back on) Ugh... Fine! What is it?
Marshmallow I want Bow back! It's not fair that she's still dead!
MePhone4 Wait, Bow? You still care about her?
Fan (pops up next to MePhone4) Yeah! She's like the fan favorite! This season's headed in the wrong direction! I don't want my little egg to hatch into a sub-par Bow-less season!
MePhone4 Uh... how long have you been standing there?
Fan Uh... heh.. Just- Just stop changing the subject, MePhone! You can bring every character back to life! So why not Bow?!
MePhone4 I bet you feel real special for figuring that out, don't you?
Fan Very!
MePhone4 Look, guys, it's not gonna happen!
Fan Yeah, right! You're just saying that 'cause you hate her!
MePhone4 Oh yeah? We'll see about that. (He opens up his MeLife app, then presses the Bow button. Bow starts to appear, but fails to.) See? I didn't want to disappoint you guys, but she's gone. For good. She died while I was dead as well, so I never got the notification to recover her.
Marshmallow What?!
Fan (gasps and takes out some popcorn) What an upsetting twist! (walks away while eating the popcorn)
Apple Oh, this is terrible! Just terrible! Let's vent our feelings through art! (drags Marshmallow away)
MePhone4 (gets a phone call and vibrates, then answers the call) What?!
Adam MePhone?
MePhone4 Oh! Uh... Hi, Adam. What's up?
Adam I can tell you what's not up. Our ratings. They've gone down ever since Bow died. I don't care what you do. We need the fan favorite back, pronto! (hangs up)
(MePhone4 sighs. Toilet appears behind him.)
Toilet Hello, Mistah Phone!
MePhone4 Toilet, where have you been? You were gone three months!
Toilet Oh, well, I had a bit of trouble finding those wires for you, sir, but I got them! (spits out wires)
MePhone4 (thinks for a moment, then smiles) Say, Toilet. You think you can get me something other than wires?
Toilet Oh, anything for you, sir!
MePhone4 You need to find a way to bring Bow back to life.
Toilet But, sir, you just said it couldn't be done!
MePhone4 Toilet, this is your chance to prove yourself to me. So don't screw it up.
Toilet Oh boy! I'll sure do my best, Mistah Phone! (leaves)
MePhone4 If the viewers want Bow, oh, they're gonna get more than enough of her. Then no one will be clamoring to see her ever again.
(intro plays)
(The Grand Slams are gathered at the Elimination Area.)
MePhone4 Welcome back, Grand Slams. How does it feel to suck so much?
Knife Well, you would know!
MePhone4 As I was saying, today, the prizes are leftovers from Soap's disgusting pizza. Barely anybody ate it, so we have plenty to go around.
Baseball Eww! Isn't that pizza, like, over a month old by now?
MePhone4 Yeah, but I don't think the pizza could possibly be any worse than it was then. (Everyone except Soap agrees. She glares at them.) Anyway, this time we received a total of 3851 votes. To start, Baseball, Nickel, Knife, Suitcase, Balloon, and Microphone all live another episode.
(MePhone4 throws a pizza towards Baseball and Nickel. They dodge it.)
Baseball Aw, ewwwww!
MePhone4 Soap, Cheesy, and Box remain.
Soap But I worked so hard for the team!
MePhone4 And that's why you're the next safe.
Soap Oh, yay!
MePhone4 Just kidding. Next safe is Cheesy!
Soap (gasps and points at Cheesy) You!
Cheesy (catches the pizza, rotten sauce splattering all over the top of his head) Wow! I can't wait to finally taste this pizza! I really put myself into it! (slaps knee)
Nickel Well, that's an image I'm not getting out of my head.
(The camera pans to Box, who remains silent.)
MePhone4 Okay, that's enough of your attitude, Box. Show the votes, MePad!
MePad No problem, sir!
(MePad loads the votes. The final results are 1102 votes for Soap and 1442 votes for Box.)
MePhone4 Soap! You get the last slice of pizza. Don't eat it too fast... (throws the pizza into Soap's face)
Soap Oh, come on! It couldn't possibly be that bad, could it? (eats pizza, then vomits)
Suitcase Oh no! Box is eliminated! We're really gonna miss you!
Nickel (sarcastically) Yeah, you were really helpful, Box! Hey, what kind of box is Box anyways?
Paintbrush It's a cardboard box. Can't you tell?
Lightbulb (puts her arm around Paintbrush) Painty, tall fella, brush gal, don't be silly! Box can be whatever it wants to be!
Apple Well then, let's settle this! I'll look inside.
Lightbulb (getting into Apple's face) Be. Careful!
Test Tube Quick, everyone, form your hypotheses!
(Apple opens Box and gasps.)
Microphone (loudly) What is it?!
Apple T-Taco?!
Soap, Balloon, Fan and Paintbrush What?!
Knife (walks over to Box and opens it himself) That says "Box".
(The camera zooms out, revealing the word "Box" written in pink letters inside Box.)
Apple Well, I was close, at least.
MePad My apologizes, but the competition has been stalled long enough. It is time for Box to make his departure.
Suitcase I'll miss you, Box!
(MePad kicks Box into the Rejection Portal.)
Toilet Mistah Phone! Mistah Phone! I did it!
MePhone4 You found Bow? Really?
Toilet Uh, no, but I found the next best thing!
(Dramatic music plays while the camera dramatically moves up to reveal Dough.)
MePhone4 Eh, good enough.
Toilet Good enough?! Ha! Take that, MePad!
MePad Um... sure, consider it taken.
MePhone4 Hey, contestants, come over here. So I've been informed that many people have been anticipating Bow's return to Inanimate Insanity. But she's dead!
Nickel (sarcastically) How upsetting.
MePhone4 So we found the closest thing to Bow.
Toilet Introducing the new Bow: Bow's alleged big brother, Dough!
Dough Hi guys, I'm Dough.
(Everyone looks weirded out and/or confused, Fan especially.)
Nickel This is the best you could do?
Toilet Uh-huh! Dough is just like Bow, but different! Instead of chairs, he likes stairs!
Dough They're the best. (falls down the elimination area bleachers)
Marshmallow How could you just replace her with that thing?!
Fan It's... not the same...
MePhone4 It's everything you liked about Bow in a new, different form! So quit complaining! Anyway, the winner of the next challenge will win Dough as a new member of their team, so this challenge is a soccer match.
Dough Wouldn't it, like, be better if it was, like, a bear competition? Because bears are so totally awesome.
Paintbrush Wait, aren't you addicted to stairs?
Dough Pfft. Those are so, like, thirty-four seconds ago. I like bears. Alright, wilderness!
MePad And what's next? Mares?
MePhone4 Now, since the Grand- (Toilet eagerly leans in next to him. He pushes Toilet away.) Now, since the Grand Slams outnumber the Bright Lights, we need someone from the Grand Slams to sit out. Sooo... Nickel. Go sit in the bleachers.
Nickel What?! But this is soccer! The sport for the legs only!
MePhone4 I know. Now get out.
Lightbulb Alrighty, sports fans, we're going to have to dribble around those bases to get the touchdowns we need to checkmate the other team!
Paintbrush (sigh) Lightbulb! I really appreciate you winning the last challenge, really, I do! But we really need to get our head in the game here, so please, don't do anything stupid!
Lightbulb You can count on me. If we're gonna hit that bullseye, we're gonna knock those pins down as a team, but you can't be drownin'!
Paintbrush Right...
Fan I'll volunteer as goalie. You don't want me on the field. Uh-uh.
(Cut to the Grand Slams on the soccer field.)
Balloon So... who's gonna be our goalie?
Baseball Uhh... Mic, how 'bout you?
Microphone Aww, but I want to play out on the field! I'm sure I'll do great!
Baseball Yeah, well... you've had a tendency to mess up challenges with your, uh... loudness, so maybe it's best you just take it easy.
Microphone But I won the dodgeball contest! What do you think, Suitcase?
Suitcase Uh... I guess if that's what my alliance member wants...
Microphone (depressed) Okay... (walks up to goal) I'll show them! I'm not screwing this up.
MePhone4 Whichever team is the first to five goals wins. Get your mark, on set... (blows whistle)
Lightbulb (to Apple) Yo, vitamin C, send me!
Apple Here, Marshmallow, take it! (kicks to Marshmallow; Lightbulb looks annoyed)
Marshmallow Umm... Okay, then... (kicks ball to Paintbrush, who heads towards the goal)
Microphone Come on! Come on! Hit me with your best shot!
(Paintbrush heads towards the goal, but is tackled by Baseball. Microphone sighs in disappointment. Baseball kicks the ball towards the Bright Lights' goal, but Fan opens up, blocking it.)
Paintbrush Nice save, Fan!
Fan Wow! I never knew I could be good at sports! Maybe I should rethink spending my life in front of a computer screen! (picks up ball and tosses it to Test Tube)
(Fan picks up the ball and tosses it to Test Tube. She receives it, but it is stolen by Soap.)
Soap Ha!
Test Tube Uhhhh...
(Soap kicks the ball to Baseball, who sends it flying at Fan, tearing through him and scoring a goal for the Grand Slams.)
Fan (sighs) Never mind...
Baseball (tauntingly) Legs!
(Cheesy runs up with the ball and kicks it towards Fan, who jumps to avoid it, sealing another goal as the team cheers for Cheesy.)
Cheesy Heheh. Who knew all that slapping would give my leg endurance?
Apple Marsh, my buddy, ol' pal, take it. You got this! (kicks the ball over Marshmallow)
Marshmallow No!
(The ball lands at Knife's feet. Apple runs up to him.)
Apple Hey! Give that back! That ball was for Marshmallow!
Knife Uhh, sorry. No.
Apple How would you like it if I took your Dora Doll, sissy?
Knife Oh, in that case, here you go! (kicks ball in Apple's face) You like that?!
MePhone4 (blows whistle) Knife, that's a penalty for unnecessary roughness. Sit on the bleachers.
Microphone, Soap, Balloon Oooooooh!
(Test Tube walks up to them, spouting gibberish.)
Knife Grrrrr! Fine!
(Knife goes to sit on the bleachers next to Nickel.)
Nickel Knife, what was that?! I thought after you saw how mean Trophy acted, you would become a nicer person!
Knife Look. I'm a jerk, remember?
Nickel Listen. We're more alike then you think. Mean thoughts fill my head too! You just gotta transform them into sarcasm so you won't come off as mean to people!
Knife Sure, whatever. Worth a shot.
(Cut to Dough standing next to the field.)
Dough Hey guys, I'm bored! (to Microphone) Hey, you! I'm like, bored!
Microphone So am I, but not enough to talk to you.
Dough Well, you should totally buy a dare.
Microphone Another chair rhyme, huh? Guess what. Nobody cares!
(While Microphone is distracted, a ball flies past her, and the Bright Lights cheer.)
Microphone What?! No!
Baseball What was that, Microphone?! Okay. Clearly you need to be even further from the action. I'll be goalie now.
Microphone (loudly) What?! But what about me?!
Baseball Augh! Why don't you go play another position?
Microphone (turns herself off) Fine! (to Dough) You! I dare you to jump off a bridge! (walks away)
Dough Ugh. Like, mean.
(Cut to Nickel and Knife on the bleachers.)
Nickel So for sarcasm, you gotta use (sarcastic tone) this tone.
Knife Oh. (imitates Nickel) This tone. (normally) I think I've done that before. But I never knew it was an art.
Nickel Well, now you can witness the artist in action. Hey, Dough! (sarcastically) You are really a great Bow knockoff!
Dough Yeah, whatevs.
Nickel (to Knife) See? I got my feelings out while not coming off as a complete jerk! Now you try!
Knife Okay. Hey, Cheesy! (sarcastic tone) Your jokes are terrible!
Cheesy (angrily) Oh. So we got a heckler in the crowd today, eh?
Nickel Knife! That's not how it works!
Knife But I'm doing that emphasis on some words thing that you did!
Nickel Ugh, sorry Cheesy, you don't understand.
Cheesy (climbing up the bleachers) Oh, I understand. This sharp guy thinks he's better than me!
Suitcase Cheesy! We're still playing!
Cheesy You think you're funnier than me, Knife? Why, I oughta- (winds up a punch, but is punched first by Knife)
Nickel Why did you do that?!
Knife My bad. Just a reflex.
Nickel (sarcastically) Yeah, that'll make people like you.
Knife Really? Or, wait, is that the sarcasm again?
(Nickel screams in frustration. Cut to the field. Apple has the ball.)
Apple Yes, I got the ball back! Marshmallow, where- (is punched into the ground by Yin-Yang) Augh!
Yang Ha! Take this, losers! (kicks the ball into his team's goal)
Fan Hey!
Yin Yes! I mean, no! That was the wrong goal!
Yang No, I'm pretty sure it was the right goal! (walks up to the goal and slaps Fan, who is holding the ball)
Fan What?!
(The ball lands in the goal again.)
Yin Okay, that time was on purpose.
Yang So was the last time! Idiot!
Soap Aww... it's cute when they argue!
Paintbrush (clears throat) Lightbulb, someone's been acting pretty offensive, and I think that somebody deserves to go to the Calm Down Corner.
Lightbulb Couldn't agree more, Painty! (beat) So, uh, what are you waiting for, go.
Paintbrush What?! Not me, I'm perfectly calm!
Lightbulb Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judicial branch. Let's go.
Paintbrush Hmph! (goes to the Calm Down Corner)
(Cut to the Grand Slams.)
Baseball Well, not much competition when the competition is helping us win!
(Cut to Yang laughing evilly as his teammates look disapprovingly at him.)
Dough (off screen) You suck!
(Cut to Nickel and Knife.)
Nickel Here, Knife, let's try this one more time. Uh... Balloon! (sarcastically) You're so trustworthy!
Balloon Huh? What's with the sarcasm? Oh, come on, guys, I thought you were just starting to like me!
Knife (sarcastically) We do!
Balloon So you're saying you don't? (runs off crying)
Knife Ughh. (sarcastically) Well, this plan worked perfectly!
Nickel Wait. Say that again.
Knife I said (sarcastically) this was a great idea.
Nickel You did it! That's sarcasm!
Knife Oh, really? Well, thanks for showing it to me, Nickel. (sarcastically) I really appreciate it!
Nickel No proble- Hey!
(Cut to the field.)
MePhone4 Okay, we're entering the final minutes of this game, and Bright Lights, since you're so far behind, I've decided to give you one last chance to catch up. Each of you get a penalty shot against the Grand Slams.
Test Tube Guys, according to my grade school calculations, we have to get at least four shots past Baseball to win!
Fan Four shots?! We'll never make it!
Lightbulb Calm down, Paper. Let's win this challenge... the bright way!
(An invisible audience cheers as Marshmallow, Apple, Test Tube, and Fan all kick soccer balls at the goal, which harmlessly bounce off Baseball as the cheering stops.)
Lightbulb Well, I think that was a bit, how you say, anticlimactic.
MePhone4 And that's the end of this challenge. The Grand Slams win by a landslide.
Yang Serves my loser team right.
Microphone Well, at least we won... But next time my skills are really gonna kick in!
Cheesy (slaps knee) Ha! Kick! Soccer! Pun!
MePhone4 So Grand Slams, as your prize, you get Dough on your team!
(Microphone, Baseball, Nickel, Cheesy, Knife, and Soap cheer, then groan.)
Suitcase I, for one, welcome this new change to our team. We can't just live in the past! We have to move on, be willing to try new things!
Dough I agree. Copy the past. Never try anything different. Yeah, guys, it's going to be amazing. Now who wants to buy an affair?
(Suddenly, Yin-Yang jumps at Dough and eats him.)
Suitcase Ahh! Yin-Yang! Why'd you do that?
Yang Yin ate him!
Yin You can't be serious!
Yang It couldn't have been me! I'm gluten free!
Yin Okay. I ate him. I was starving!
MePhone4 Oh no! Dough's dead now too!
Baseball Well, you can always bring him back to life, right?
MePhone4 I would, but I never had the time to create a life icon for him. (insincerely) What a shame!
Knife Sarcasm. I like it.
MePhone4 So Dough is dead forever. Looks like he isn't joining the game. So sad. Anyway, vote for a Bright Light on inanimateinsanity.com.
(The credits roll.)
(After the credits, cut to the Calm-Down Corner at night. Paintbrush is still sitting there and sighs in irritation.)

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