Goo's Exit Interview[]
Exit Interview (1)[]
Pish Poshington: Ahem! Good evening, Inanimate Insanity viewers.
Goo: And a GOODER evening to you!!
Pish Poshington: Alright, simmer down. My name is Pish Poshington, and as you surely know, while I have previously retired from Inanimate Radio after a long prosperous run, I decided to make a one-time exception for this unparalleled professional opportunity.
Goo: Wowzer!
Pish Poshington: Can someone escort that one out? [He clears his throat]. I am here today with a fellow believed by many to be the greatest mind of the corporate world, and beyond that, a competitor, innovator, entrepreneur! I am beyond honored to take the time today to calmly learn, from the one, the only!
Goo: Me!! Hello!! I’m Goo, from Inanimate Insanity! Hooray!
Pish Poshington: Oh, dear. That was you? The loud one? There must be some misunderstanding.
Goo: No misunderstandings here! It’s me, and I’m ready to get as spicy as an interrupted interviewer!
Pish Poshington: An interrupted interviewer?-
Sponsor[]
Lifering: Pause it, you gooey two shoes. I have news! Bee and Puppycat is returning!
Goo: But it’s been years since the last episode! Are you saying we’re getting more?
Lifering: Goo, surely you’re aware that Bee and Puppycat is streaming on Netflix on September 6th! Join Bee, Puppycat, Deckard, and the whole gang on a series of magical adventures, as they tackle the largest obstacle known to man. Unemployment!
Goo: Unemployment?
Lifering: Well, yeah. You see, Bee is quite the cheerful young woman, but she unfortunately has a habit of being fired from medial low-paying jobs. That is, until the greatest rainstorm of her life!
Goo: The day where Puppycat fell from the sky and changed her life forever! It’s like if an asteroid fired down and destroyed your house, but you wanted to move places anyway!
Lifering: Uhhh, yeah, exactly! Anyway, stream Bee and Puppycat on Netflix on September 6th. If you can’t wait that long, heh, like me, you can rewatch the entire first season on Cartoon Hangover’s YouTube channel, and make sure to follow @FrederatorStudios for more updates.
Goo: And remember, Frederator loves you. Okay, I’m going to catch up on that right after my interview.
Lifering: Okay, bye!
Exit Interview (2)[]
Goo: Wasn’t that just wacky?
Pish Poshington: Yes, it was! Never do it again! [He clears his throat]. You are supposed to be a professional, are you not? Behave as such. [He clears his throat]. Let us begin with the questions. What is the Cheer Factory’s main goal and what are your motives behind it?
Goo: Mhmm, yeah, I’d say the goal is mainly smiling.
Pish Poshington: Eh, smiling?
Goo: Well, yeah! And maybe some tee-hees or hoo-hoos too! Don’t wanna push our luck though!
Pish Poshington: I’m sorry, I was under the impression that you ran a factory. A legitimate factory making large quantities of goods?
Goo: No, no, no, we make large quantities of good! For the world!!!! Yea.
Pish Poshington: Maybe it would help to get into specifics. What are some things that each individual teammate is cheered up by? As in, what can cheer a specialty mate up?
Goo: It’s different for everyone! Nickel likes positive reinforcement. Cabby likes to feel like she knows everyone and everything. And Clover likes butterflies. But I usually don’t focus much on differences, I find a good old-fashioned silly dance does the trick for just about everyone! Would you like me to demonstrate?
Pish Poshington: I would, but alas, public radio is not a visual medium! Oh dear, oh darn, oh, drat! You seem very durable in spite of your springiness, even holding up against Cabby’s weight at the start of episode 4. Hypothetically, could someone survivably split you into two pieces? What do you think would happen?
Goo: Is… is this a threat? A-are you planning something? I don’t know WHAT would happen! Just the thought of this is tearing me apart!! [He splits into two.]
Goos: Oho, that tickled!
Pish Poshington: During the bridge challenge, how did it feel to have limbs for once?
Goo: I mean, my limbs just kind of dangled and weighed me down. If you have them, more power to you. I just don’t even know what I was supposed to use them for. It’s nice to be able to count on your fingers, but I’m already really good at counting.
Pish Poshington: Do you feel a peer to peer connection with pinecones or do they feel more like conduits to a higher being?
Goo: I think it’s somewhere in the middle of the two? Like a, a mentor-mentee relationship. I hope I make them proud!
Pish Poshington: Your analogies have been referred to as, and I quote, “amusing”. Do you use the same analogies frequently or come up with them on the spot?
Goo: Oooh, usually everyone says they’re very CONFusing, so this is a real step up! I actually have a journal where I keep a bunch of pre-planned analogies ready to go! Only problem is, I haven’t been in a situation where any of them would be relevant yet? But rest assured, I know that soon, the day will come, where I think to myself, you know, this is just like a hamper full of hot sauce! There’s nothing dirty here, but it is a little spicy!
Pish Poshington: Have you ever melted or frozen due to temperatures, and if so, what was it like?
Goo: You know, it’s a real honor to get my own interview and all but this is the second question where someone’s thinking about what it’d be like to utterly demolish me!? I thought we were going to keep this light?
Pish Poshington: That’s totally fair, and hey, there’s nothing lighter than the thought of the bright hot sun beating down on you until you can’t possibly take it anymore. What happens in that scenario, do you just pass out from the heat, or do you slowly dissolve until you’re nothing but a puddle of liquid on the ground?
Goo: I appreciate you rewording it, that’s a lot less disturbing. I think I’d be the puddle, but my eyes and mouth would be intact so I’d see it all happen, and probably be screaming the whole way!
Pish Poshington: I’m beginning to worry that you’re not taking this interview seriously.
Goo: W-wha? How was I supposed to answer that question? That’s how I think I would die, in my professional opinion.
Pish Poshington: Very well. While you’re on your professional deathbed, tell me, do you think the $10,000,000 were well spent on your film and would you consider a “Title TBD” sequel or series?
Goo: I think I told the story I wanted to tell with the first one. But, yeah, unfortunately, it wasn’t a story anyone wanted to hear? And after speaking to the film’s inspiration, I think I understand why. It was all a little… too much.
Pish Poshington: So I take it the film won’t be the start of an iconic franchise?
Goo: Eh, no, but Blueberry told me maybe I could turn it into an ironic franchise! Does that impress you at all?
Pish Poshington: Well it does leave with AN impression of you. Just not a good one. Rather, a bad one.
Goo: We always end up having the same conversation, don’t we?
Pish Poshington: Yes, now, many seem to admire the work that you and your co-founder, one you regard as “TBD”, put into forming your cheer… factory. What I would like to know is, do you plan to expand this business at all during your stay in Indefinite Island? Will you find more functional products to create? What about any business ventures outside of the game?
Goo: Eh, gah ah, I’m not sure! It was meant to be silly and fun but, um, maybe we can start selling, uhh, smiles on a stick?
Pish Poshington: Smiles… on a stick?
Goo: Yeah! For when you’re feeling as down as the downward dog, and need to see a smile to remind yourself that there’s happy faces all around you to help pick you up, when you’re feeling like you’re not being supported! Like a building with half as many beams but thrice the number of business people allowed in the enclosed space!-
Pish Poshington: Can you please say something meaningful? Anything! I went leaps and bounds to be here for a transcendent experience, and you’re here making an utter fool of the art of conversation! Overrun metaphors, smiles on a stick, jokes?! What value is found in any of this?
Goo: I... I don’t know, I guess… nothing! [He starts laughing]. Nothing!
Pish Poshington: I make an impassioned speech and you mock me?
Goo: No, it’s not mocking you, it’s laughter, for me. It helps, sometimes I need it when things are scary.
Pish Poshington: Scary? You don’t mean me, do you?
Goo: Mmh, I guess this whole thing has been a little.. cold?
Pish Poshington: I thought that was the temperature of the business world.
Goo: I have to admit a little, a little confession. I’m not.. a business “condorceur”. I’m just gooey! And maybe if you treat your interviewees as who they are, inside, they’ll feel just as happy and gooey, you know?
Pish Poshington: [He sighs], I suppose, perhaps, potentially, in my weeks of retirement, I may have lost sight of what makes for a good interview. Two comfortable parties, both eager to learn from one another. And, maybe-
Goo: Mayhapst’ve.
Pish Poshington: Mayhapst’ve, I’ve learned a thing or two from you today. I don’t understand what you’re saying half of the time, nor the other half, but I think there is a misunderstood genius underneath that gelatinous form.
Goo: Ah, shucks! Well, now that’s a win-win for the interviewers!
Pish Poshington: Interviewers.
Outro[]
Pish Poshington: Thank you for coming to speak with me, Goo, regard. And an additional thank you to the Inanimate Insanity audience for listening in. Also, don’t forget to vote for Inanimate Insanity for best web series in this year’s Cartoon Crave awards. Link in the description. This is Pish Poshington with IPR, signing off.