| Episode | Gallery | Transcript |
| Character | Scene/Script |
|---|---|
| (Scene: MePhone4, MePad, and Toilet are brainstorming challenge ideas at a whiteboard.) | |
| MePhone4 | Hmm, this low-key challenge idea is getting really tough to figure out... |
| Toilet | You'd think that coming up with an easy challenge would be easy, but, no... |
| MePhone4 | I'm thinking something simple, but, that can go in any direction. |
| Toilet | Well, sir, why don't you look at the ideas so far? Maybe the idea is right in front of you! |
| MePhone4 | Hmm... (looks for a few moments) Nah. |
| (MePhone4 looks tiredly at the whiteboard while MePad and Toilet are discussing something. He realizes that the first letter of every second challenge spells out "MAZE".) | |
| MePhone4 | Hey, wait! What if the idea's been right in front of me all along? |
| Toilet | I-I- Mistah Ph- I just said that- |
| (MePhone4 ignores Toilet in favor of using a maze generator to create a maze in front of them.) | |
| MePhone4 | (looks around in confusion for a moment) Huh! What do ya' know? |
| (The intro plays.) | |
| (Scene: The edge of Perilous Forest. Fan and Test Tube are standing around together, Fan holdig his egg, as Microphone exits the forest. A fanfare plays, startling Fan into nearly dropping his egg. They go to investigate. Cut to Paintbrush and Marshmallow building a pile of bottlecaps, with Lightbulb standing nearby.) | |
| Lightbulb | Wow, MePad, I had no idea you were such a musician. |
| (A trumpet playing app is shown on MePad's screen.) | |
| MePad | It just came naturally to me. |
| Lightbulb | You know, I, uh, happen to be a pretty mean baritone player myself, uh... (pulls out a saxophone and inhales to play it, but ends up in a coughing fit instead) |
| MePhone4 | Alright, guys. I thought up a challenge that's going to be really cool, and good! |
| Lightbulb | And good? (to Marshmallow) Wow... |
| MePhone4 | I know, I've outdone even myself. This challenge is a hedge maze containing a multitude of potential paths. Each intersection will force you to make a choice. It's sure to be a-maze-ing! |
| (The contestants glare disapprovingly at MePhone4.) | |
| Knife | Boooo! |
| MePhone4 | Hey guys, do you hear that? No knee slap! Oy, it's just not the same without Cheesy around... and I couldn't be happier! |
| Nickel | All I hear is a terrible game show host. |
| Lightbulb | All I can hear are those cookies in MePhone's pocket! Oh! |
| MePhone4 | (holding an armful of cookies, having just eaten one) ...whichever team gets each member to the finish first wins! |
| (Cut to The Bright Lights looking at the entrance to the maze.) | |
| Lightbulb | Well, I mean, it's probably best to cover the most ground we can... in case it rains. |
| Fan | (baffled) Wh-w-w... WHA- |
| MePhone4 | (from a radio tower) All right, everybody. On your set, get marked, go! |
| (Cut to The Grand Slams.) | |
| Nickel | Okay, so here's our plan: Me and Baseball are gonna to take all right turns. Suitcase, you got all left. Oh, uh, Knife, Mic, and Balloon, (stammers) w-w-whatever, I don't really care what you do, just make it to the end. Especially you, Mic. You're kind of a... wild card. |
| Microphone | Well, wait a minute! If we have to get our entire team through the maze to win, there's no reason we shouldn't all stay togeth- (Zoom out to reveal that the other Grand Slams are already gone.) Aaaaand, why do I even bother... |
| (Cut to Marshmallow and Paintbrush.) | |
| Marshmallow | Paintbrush? Can I talk to you in... private? |
| Paintbrush | Oh, absolutely, Marshmallow! Okay, see you later, everyone! (walks with Marshmallow into the maze) |
| Lightbulb | But... eh- I was- I was gonna go with Painty... (starts tearing up before looking over at Fan) Yo, flat face! I- I mean, Fan! Uh, come on, we can be flying buddies! |
| Fan | I'm not sure what that entails, but, sure... Uh, Test Tube, you think you can hang on to my egg for me? Lightbulb can't keep herself from shattering; just keep him far away from her. |
| Test Tube | Oh! No problem! Staying away from other people is my specialty! You can count on me! |
| (Lightbulb grabs Fan and drags him screaming into the maze. He drops his egg, which falls into Test Tube's hands.) | |
| (Cut to the radio tower. MePhone4 is holding a lever. Toilet speaks up, startling MePhone4 into pulling the lever.) | |
| Toilet | Mistah Phone, I noticed this big, ugly plant in your backyard! Do you want me to trim it down for ya?! |
| MePhone4 | Yeah, I don't care what you do, Toilet. Just as long as I don't have to look at you... |
| Toilet | (jumps out the window) YAAH! |
| (Toilet lands in front of the maze and pulls out a pair of hedge trimmers, holding them aloft as MePad plays a fanfare sound effect. He starts trimming the hedge maze.) | |
| (Cut to MePhone4 looking bored in the radio tower. He then gets a devious smile and speaks into a microphone. As he speaks, cut to Suitcase wandering the maze, looking worried.) | |
| MePhone4 | Ooh, careful which way you go! Careful! Careful... CAREFUL... |
| Suitcase | (hallucinating MePhone4's voice distorting and her surroundings darkening) Wh- wha...?! (hallucinates a disembodied voice speaking to her) |
| Suitcase's Anxieties | The path you take is the choice you make. But how do you know which path is fake? |
| Suitcase | Wha?! Who is that?! |
| Suitcase's Anxieties | Who to trust? Who to follow? Is the bond solid, or is it hollow? |
| Suitcase | (hallucinating the maze walls closing in on her) I- I don't know! (snaps back to reality) What do you think?! |
| (Cut to reveal Balloon behind her.) | |
| Balloon | Suitcase? Uh... who are you talking to? |
| Suitcase | Th-th-that voice! D-didn't you hear that voice?! |
| Balloon | Um... not sure what you mean, but I'm glad I found you! |
| (Cut to Lightbulb running forward, holding an unamused Fan. She reaches a dead end.) | |
| Lightbulb | Honestly, I mean, this wall's... starting to... aggravate me. |
| Fan | Well, there's not much we can do about it; it's predetermined. |
| Lightbulb | Oh, please! Nothing's predeter... (stumbles over the word before giving up) Let's just do it the bright way! |
| (Lightbulb grabs Fan and starts spinning him like a helicopter, flying over the maze. She lets go when she sees the finish, and they fall to the ground.) | |
| Lightbulb | (triumphantly) What it is!!! |
| (A buzzer sound plays.) | |
| MePhone4 | (through loudspeaker) That's called "cheating", moron! |
| (Lightbulb and Fan are each hit by a beam of light and teleported back to the entrance.) | |
| Lightbulb | Oh, c'mon! That's only frowned upon in some countries! |
| (Cut to Suitcase and Balloon. They encounter Baseball and Nickel.) | |
| Suitcase | Oh, hey, guys! |
| Baseball | Hey, you made it! Why don't we all go together from here on out? |
| Nickel | Alright, let's go, Suitcase! (Suitcase joins them, with Balloon worriedly following her. Nickel glares at him.) Um, last I checked, you're not Suitcase. So, scram, buddy! |
| Balloon | Wh... wha?! |
| Suitcase | Nickel, I know he's not a part of our group, but I'm sure he'd like to travel alongside us. |
| Nickel | (sarcastically) Oh, right, of course! Hey! Why don't we make him the team leader? |
| Suitcase | That's a great idea! |
| Nickel | I-I... I... Ha-have you ever met me? Everything I say is sarcastic! |
| Balloon | Thanks for the support, Nickel! I promise I won't let you down! |
| Nickel | Wha-oh- Are you serious?! |
| Baseball | (smug) Oh, how generous of you, Nickel! |
| (As the four walk, a path in the maze catches Balloon's eye.) | |
| Balloon | Guys! This path looks shinier and way better than the others! We should go through it. |
| Suitcase | There's absolutely nothing wrong with that statement! |
| (They enter the path, and Balloon accidentally steps on a floor panel that triggers an alarm in MePhone4's radio tower. He presses a button with an evil smile, and a gate closes off the way back in the path. Several rayguns emerge from the walls and zap Nickel, Suitcase, and Baseball; freezing, burning, and electrocuting them respectively. A cannon emerges from the wall and fires a cannonball at the zapped contestants, sending them crashing into the wall. Balloon, unharmed, runs up to them.) | |
| Balloon | Uh, sorry, guys! I had no idea that path would be so dangerous! |
| Nickel | (still covered in ice) Oh, no no no! It's fine! It's all fine! Hah... (Cut to Suitcase, still on fire, and Baseball, who sparks and spasms. They both look shellshocked. Cut back to Nickel.) Why don't you go ahead and check the next path to make sure it's safe? |
| Balloon | Um, alright... (walks away) |
| Nickel | (smiling until Balloon is out of sight) Ugh... I knew it... Quick, let's get out of here! |
| Suitcase | Wha? |
| Nickel | Suitcase, I don't want us getting in danger like that again. Let's just ditch him, there's still time. |
| Suitcase | (beat, then walks backwards) ...I'm not ditching anyone. |
| Nickel | What?! |
| (Cut to Balloon. He overhears Nickel talking and starts to eavesdrop. Cut back to the other three.) | |
| Nickel | Are you kidding me?! We almost died back there! He's just gonna bulldoze us all over until we're all gone! Everything that just happened back there was because of him! It wasn't an accident! |
| Suitcase | You don't have any proof of that! |
| Baseball | Guys, come on! Just keep it together! |
| Nickel | "No proof"?! Did you just see what he did?! Everyone would just be better off if HE KEPT TO HIMSELF! |
| (Suitcase looks upset. Balloon gets a determined expression and goes to confront Nickel.) | |
| Balloon | "Keep to myself"?! I get it, it sucks this happened, but when you jump to conclusions, it ruins every chance we have at winning, or even getting along... We don't have to be friends, but I thought we could at least find some common ground. I guess even that's too much for you to bear, huh? |
| Baseball | (to Suitcase) You better go talk to him. (Suitcase walks away. Baseball turns to Nickel.) Seriously, Nickel? |
| (Cut to Test Tube walking through the maze with Fan's egg.) | |
| Test Tube | Aw, jeepers! It sure was nice of Fan to entrust me with his egg! Isn't that right, egg? (as the egg) Yeah, Test Tube! It was a great gesture! Ha ha ha! (A freeze ray zaps the ground near Test Tube, and she throws the egg into the air in shock.) Whoa! (The freeze ray blasts the area around her two more times) Whoa- Oh! (catches the egg, admonishing it) You better be more careful, mister! |
| (Cut to Paintbrush and Marshmallow.) | |
| Paintbrush | So, Marshmallow, uh, what did you wanna talk to me about? |
| Marshmallow | (the same piano note playing repeatedly in the background) Just thinking about Apple... how I don't know when someone's using me or not. |
| Paintbrush | (sighs) Is Apple bothering you again? Ugh... What'd she do this time? |
| Marshmallow | (as the piano gets louder) Um... mmm... I'm not sure... I-it was just so sudden- |
| Paintbrush | Hold on. Where- where is that coming from? (walks through one of the hedges, finding Lightbulb and Fan at a synthesizer) Lightbulb?! What is this?! |
| Fan | Oh, sorry. We just felt like this was gonna be a... one-note conversation. |
| (Lightbulb laughs and applauds the joke. She tries to high five Fan but flubs it, succeeding on the second attempt. Paintbrush stares at them in confusion, then groans in annoyance and exits back through the hedge to address Marshmallow again.) | |
| Paintbrush | Lo-look, you thought you knew her, but now you know for a fact, she was just taking advantage of your popularity, right? (Fan starts talking in the background as they speak.) |
| Marshmallow | Uh, actually... |
| Paintbrush | Wha- (groans, then gives Marshmallow a strained smile) Just a second, Marshmallow... |
| (Paintbrush goes back through the hedge to find Fan dressed as a game show host next to a wheel with various misspellings of "Apple" on all slices.) | |
| Fan | What will Marshmallow talk about next? Let's spin the wheel! (spins wheel) Look at it go! (The wheel lands on Apple.) |
| Paintbrush | FAN! |
| Fan | (startled) Wha- |
| Paintbrush | What are you doing?! |
| Fan | Uh... (while awkwardly adjusting his bowtie) analyzing your character interactions? |
| (Lightbulb, stunned, plays a single note on the synthesizer.) | |
| Paintbrush | (suppressing anger) Well, Fan... isn't that just interesting... have you ever analyzed DIRT? Well... (bristles light on fire) HOW ABOUT NOW?! IS IT INTERESTING ENOUGH?! GOT ENOUGH INFORMATION DOWN THERE?! WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO, WRITE IT ON YOUR BLOG?! |
| Fan | Oh, is this is gonna become a cliché, too?!
Y-your fiery temper tantrum being illustrated by- by a literal flame- Oh- oh, there it is. I-I can see it! |
| Paintbrush | UGH!!! I... HATE! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| (Pan to Microphone and Marshmallow watching this over a hedge.) | |
| Microphone | Are they okay over there? |
| Marshmallow | Ugh... all I did was ask about Apple using me, and this craziness happens! |
| Microphone | Maybe it's not so bad if someone uses you, if- if it benefits you as well, right? |
| Paintbrush | I see your point there, not that I agree with it of course. In fact, no one should agree with it because IT'S A TERRIBLE POINT! Come on, Marsh, we're leaving. (walks away, followed by Marshmallow) |
| Microphone | Yeesh... They look like a dysfunctional family... |
| Balloon | (walking up to her) Can't we relate? Our team is literally just a bunch of insanely judgmental people! |
| Microphone | That's awful! |
| Balloon | Oh, please, this whole show has been awful! We lose every other challenge, there's an "alliance" who refuses to accept anyone, and, ha, come on, did you see the prize last elimination? Spoiled Lemon? Really?! |
| Fan | (looking up over the hedge) Spoiled Lemon?! Oh, my... The deep, analytical beauty those songs are ripe with! Especially that one that goes "all I wanna do, is go to a party!" Y-You see, it-it focuses on a party, mainly. |
| Microphone | I don't listen to those sellouts, anymore. |
| Fan | B-but in that song, the vocalist lovingly chronicles how they couldn't deal with themselves until they gain the companion they need! It's pure poetry! |
| Microphone | So, everything he does is decided by someone else? Nice message... |
| Fan | Well, Microphone, what gives you the right to have an "interpretation"? When's the last time you gained something of value from true art such as this? |
| Microphone | Ugh... certain people always tell me I have so much to gain. |
| Balloon | Hah! Maybe it's because of that "Gain" on your back! |
| Microphone | ...wait, "Gain"?! (gasps) I gotta go! Thanks, Balloon! (leaves) |
| (Balloon sighs in annoyance and walks away as well.) | |
| Fan | Four episodes ago, that Gain wasn't even there. And now, it is there. And now, it's a plot point! I've been overshadowed by a knob, ladies and gentlemen; when's the focus gonna be me, ah? |
| (A laser pierces the top of Fan. He screams before the camera quickly cuts.) | |
| (Cut to Microphone stopping running when she's alone. She turns her gain button to the max.) | |
| Microphone | Taco! |
| Taco | (through speakers) Ah, maybe you aren't as half-witted as I thought... |
| Microphone | Rude, but what do you even want from me?! |
| Taco | It's not what I want from you. It's what you want from me. |
| Microphone | What? |
| Taco | Seems like you're having some trouble in that maze. I could easily help you out. |
| Microphone | (happily) Really? You would help me out?! |
| Taco | Easily. |
| Microphone | (thinking) Well... (resigned) okay... |
| (Cut to a bird's eye perspective of Microphone. Taco is watching with a pair of binoculars. As she speaks, Microphone follows her directions.) | |
| Taco | Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Wow, you really got yourself jumbled up. (Microphone grunts in annoyance. Taco clears her throat and continues.) Left. |
| (Cut to Nickel and Baseball.) | |
| Nickel | When did he decide he wanted to be my friend all of a sudden? Since when?! I mean... he's just- egh- he's so annoying with that (imitating Balloon) little voice, (normally) like that? Ugh! Just drives me nuts! (notices Baseball looking upset) Uh... Are you listening? |
| Baseball | ...why do I always let this happen? I could have helped back there, but... I just didn't know what to say... |
| Nickel | (comfortingly) Well, hey, neither did I! I just- someone had to speak up. |
| Baseball | (sighs) I can't keep the team together, I can't keep the alliance together, and maybe if I had some actual leadership skills, we wouldn't be in this mess... |
| Nickel | Yeah, I mean, you really did it this time. (chuckles, then sees Baseball glaring at him) Whoa, hey hey hey! Look, a good team leader puts the team ahead of himself. You're doing just that! It's something most of us aren't even capable of, and no one can ask for any more than that. |
| Baseball | ...wow. Thanks, man. |
| Nickel | Alright, look. You can thank me when we actually get out of here and find the exit, so... quit the waterworks, quit the pity party, let's go! (starts walking away) |
| Baseball | You got it, chief! |
| Nickel | (stops) Ew, "chief"? What- What even is that? |
| Baseball | I don't know, it-it's- It's a cool name... right? |
| Nickel | No, i-it's not, you should- you should be ashamed. |
| (Cut to Lightbulb and Fan, looking scared.) | |
| Lightbulb | Fan? Is it getting hot? Can you hear the walls closing in?! |
| Fan | (panting) Lightbulb, we are so lost, I'm just trying to make sure we get out of this maze, a-at some point. |
| Lightbulb | Oh, so you're in on it, huh, punk?! Well, heh, I've got a surprise for you! |
| (Lightbulb mumbles and makes a weird face. Fan is nonplussed.) | |
| Fan | ...no one's doing much of anything I kinda have this sneaking suspicion that our team isn't having a very big episode! Maybe, we should just accept the lack of excitement and go with the flow. |
| Lightbulb | I'll let it flow alright. It'll flow like the bottom of the ocean... where the crabs die! |
| Fan | I hope Test Tube is faring better... |
| (Cut to Test Tube barely dodging various ray gun blasts.) | |
| (Cut to Balloon sitting on his own. Suitcase walks up to him.) | |
| Suitcase | Hey, I finally found you! |
| Balloon | Oh, hey. I'm sorry I snapped back there. Well, actually I'm not! I was totally in the right! Seriously, how do you stay on their good side without losing your mind? |
| Suitcase | I always think things over. It's a weird feeling, automatically taking all left turns 'cause Nickel said to. It's oddly comforting, having a path laid out for me, but also a bit degrading. But, I just couldn't let him ditch you. |
| Balloon | You really feel that way? Oh! I... thought you had a real bond with those two. |
| Suitcase | Yeah... now I'm not so sure... |
| (They just stand there in thought for a beat.) | |
| Balloon | Come on, let's get out of here! |
| (Balloon walks away. Suitcase follows him with a smile, but then stops, hallucinating darkness and eerie noises for a moment. She continues to follow Balloon, now looking more concerned.) | |
| (Cut to Microphone, walking along unenthusiastically. Taco continues to communicate with her.) | |
| Taco | One more turn, and you're out. |
| Microphone | (sees the finish line and cheers up) No way! I'm first to finish! |
| Baseball | (walking up behind her with Nickel) Wow! I'm impressed, Mic! Great work! |
| (Cut to Lightbulb dragging a passed-out Fan behind her, having also reached the goal. He wakes up.) | |
| Fan | (stammers) Wha! This is the end of the maze?! Wh- How did we even do that?! |
| Lightbulb | Well, you know what they say! (Cut to Fan's perspective as he sees triple, seeing three Lightbulbs) Three heads are brighter than one! |
| Fan | Wha- Whaaa??? |
| (Cut to Balloon, Suitcase, Marshmallow, and Paintbrush all making it to the goal.) | |
| Suitcase and Balloon | Yay! We made it! |
| Paintbrush | Nice job, Marsh! (high fives her) Is there anyone still in there? |
| Nickel | It looks like it's Knife and Test Tube. |
| (Microphone turns up her gain and hears Knife's voice.) | |
| Knife | Gotta... get... through... this...! |
| Microphone | Knife's close! (loudly) Knife! Over here! This way! |
| Baseball | Wait! Mic! Stop yelling! |
| Microphone | (normally) Why?! |
| (Cut to a split screen of Test Tube and Knife walking through the maze. Test Tube looks tired and burned and Knife is slicing his way through the hedges. They both hear Microphone's shout. Knife follows it.) | |
| Test Tube | You hear that, egg?! The exit! It's that way! (follows Microphone's voice as well) |
| (Cut back to the other contestants.) | |
| Baseball | No, you- you don't realize! |
| (Cut back and forth between Knife cutting his way through the walls and Test Tube running with her eyes closed through blasts of fire.) | |
| Knife | Gotta... break... (exits wall) free! Haha, out of there! |
| (Test Tube, charred black, reaches him, and they run towards the finish, neck to neck. They both jump for the finish line in slow motion, the other contestants watching tensely. Both Knife and Test Tube hit the finish line at the exact same time.) | |
| MePhone4 | Huh, well, this is unexpected! It appears both teams have finished at the same time. I guess both teams are going to have to go back into the- the... maze?! (Pan out to reveal that almost the entire maze has been practically destroyed, with the exception of the immediate area around the finish line.) What happened to my maze?! |
| Toilet | I clip-clapped those ugly plants for you, Mistah Phone! Will you look at me now, sir?! |
| (A beat as Toilet gets up close to MePhone4, who looks very frustrated.) | |
| MePhone4 | Okay, we're done here... |
| (Test Tube shuffles towards Fan, holding his egg.) | |
| Fan | Oh my gosh, Test Tube, are you okay? |
| (After a beat, Test Tube falls to the ground, the egg flying into Fan's arms.) | |
| MePhone4 | So, uh, no one's up for elimination. But, don't worry. I'll make up for that next time. |
| Fan | Oh, my gosh... (yelling) NO ELIMINATION?! WHAT WILL US LOYAL FANS DO INSTEAD?!
(starts acting hysterical, continuing in the background as Knife begins speaking) |
| Knife | I don't know why I even show up anymore... |
| Suitcase | For us! Your friends! |
| (Knife stares at her for a beat, then growls in annoyance.) | |
| Baseball | UGH! WE WERE SO CLOSE!!! Mic, WHY? |
| Microphone | I didn't hear Test Tube! |
| Lightbulb | Wait, so, no elimination? Then what do the viewers do? |
| MePhone4 | Oh, that's right. Uh... how 'bout this... |
| Fan | BUTWHATDOWEDONOW?!?! |
| MePhone4 | (punches Fan) The viewers will choose the next challenge. (A board comes down with three challenge ideas; Knitting, Bucket Brigade, and Shell Collecting; and the text, "CHOOSE ONE! Vote at inanimateinsanity.com/vote - VOTING ENDS JULY 1st, 2016".) You may choose between these three options. The challenge with the most votes will be in episode 11! |
| (Cut to a low-quality video of Pineapple singing at a concert.) | |
| Pineapple |
|
| (Cut to Marshmallow, Fan, and Paintbrush on the elimination area bleachers, revealing that they were watching the video on Fan's phone.) | |
| Marshmallow | Why did you buy those Spoiled Lemon tickets from that scalper?! This band sucks! Get your money back! |
| Fan | It's weird, they just never sound as good on the phone. |
| Paintbrush | (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, that's gotta be it. |
| (Pineapple coughs in the background, Paintbrush giving him a disgusted and bewildered look.) | |
| (Cut to Nickel walking up to Baseball, wearing a hat, sunglasses, and gold-chain necklace.) | |
| Baseball | Whoa, what's up with the new look? |
| Nickel | Oh! I, uh... (whispering) I scalped some tickets online. You wouldn't believe what these suckers will pay to watch these idiots! |
| Fan | (off screen) They're not idiots! They're artists! Those two things aren't necessarily related! Gosh! |
| Knife | Shut up over there, they're starting! |
| Announcer | Ladies and gentlemen, Spoiled Lemon is finally reunited! |
| (The spotlights turn on, revealing the band, and the audience gasps.) | |
| Microphone | Starfruit?! |
| Knife | He's back?! |
| Starfruit | (sighs) Hello again... to all my fans... |
| Fan | (off screen) Oh! Oh, he's talking about me! |
| Starfruit | I'm sorry I left, but I had someone help me find that the real music... was inside me all along. |
| (Starfruit points to Lightbulb, winking and clicking his tongue. She returns the gesture.) | |
| Fan | Wh-wh...? |
| Starfruit | Now, let's... rock!
|
| (The credits roll over a freeze frame of Starfruit and Fan jumping into the air, the song playing over them.) | |
| Starfruit |
|