Fan: Well, hello internet! It's Fan, back at it again with the video so mind blowing that I can only be represented by this push of a button.
[FAN PRESSES THE BUTTON THEN THUNDER STORM SOUND APPEARS AS THE LIGHT KEEPS FLASHING]
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
Test Tube: Fan, I've told you before only use that button for emergency purposes.
Fan: Well this is an emergency.
Test Tube: Oh. Okay, carry on.
Fan: [To Test Tube] Thank you. [To the viewers] Yes. We're gonna need all the excitement we can get today, folks. So, excited up!
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Fan: Because today's guest is famous for completely cynical, sarcastic, and don’t forget mood crushing.
Nickel: (Sarcastically) Gee, I wonder who could that be.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Fan: Wow, spoilers, hah. I suppose you didn't want a standard fantastic complimentary introduction?
Nickel: That is correct.
Fan: Alright, fair enough. Well firstly, (clears throat) Hey Nickel! How's it going? Huh?
Nickel: Eh, It's going all right. Thanks for a- uh... Wait, is this a bit?
Fan: Ah, it's like blowing teeth with this one. Come on, you know the line during the classic exchange you do with Baseball. A uh, a classic, folks! A classic!
Nickel: Oh, you're so right. Here, let me get my script.
[NICKEL HELD UP HIS SCRIPT]
Nickel: (reads his script) Hmm... Yeah. Uh... [To Fan] What page? [Looks at his script] I thought I'd know this part down.
Fan: So, to clarify, you predicted I resort to my fan instincts and wrote a screenplay just to push back on them. I underestimated you.
Nickel: Wouldn't be the first. Though uhh... To be fair, [showing Fan the script] this script's mostly just blank paper. I rated the printer.
Fan: So that's why I couldn't print my question cards.
[DIME APPEARS IN]
Dime: Here you go. [Sends the question cards on the desk] They're recycled.
Fan: [To Dime] Thank you! [Looking at the recycled question cards] Oh wow! These are recycled. Both the paper and the same entire jokes printed on it. So kind and resourceful. [To Dime] Dime, you're the best!
Nickel: (jealous at Dime) Ah, Dime, huh. Haven't SeEn YoU ArOuNd HeRe before?
Fan: Oh yeah. Well, he's from another dimension.
Nickel: Oh, okay. Thanks for raising way more questions.
Fan: I feel like I'm sensing some tension here. Sorry if this is cutting too deep, but as a nickel to yourself, do you think this stems from not feeling you can provide as much to the world? Just inherently?
Nickel: [holds up with his script; reading] Hmm... [lays his script down] Yeah, doesn't seem to be anything here about a deep psychological past.
Fan: Oh come on, Nickel. We gotta know.
Dime: Listen, Nickel. Just because some of us are worth less than others, doesn't mean they're worthless.
Nickel: [To Dime] (misunderstood) Wow, that is literally a kind way of acknowledge that you think you're worth more than me.
Dime: (compliment laughing) [Complimently to Nickel] Oh, Nickel. I apologized if your feelings and effects don't align. It's just simply the truth!
Nickel: [sarcastically to Dime] Oh, you wanna know the truth? (sarcastically enraged) You wanna know what grinds my gears?!
Fan: [To Test Tube] (excitedly) Test Tube, get it closer! I think we're getting a real deal here!
[CAMERA FACE CLOSER TO NICKEL]
Nickel: (Calmingly) Only if you're a lovely host, the truth is… (rage screaming; in front of Test Tube) HAHHH!
[TEST TUBE SCREAMS OUT DROPPING THE CAMERA]
Fan: And we're back! In a Triple-F FIRST, Nickel scared our camera person to the point of collapse, but she's okay. Thanks for asking.
Nickel: (jokingly) Let's see if we can make it a Triple-F second.
Test Tube: (frightened) NO! Not again!
Fan: (laughs) Oh yes. Well, let's not forget you're a Halloween enthusiast. Timeless. I've heard you're quite a spooky storyteller.
Nickel: Heh, do we want to dim the lights?
Fan: No, I don't think that's necessar-
[LIGHTS TURNS OFF]
Fan: Oh. How did you... How did you do that?
Nickel: (narrating through flashlight) It was a dark and stormy night, and suddenly, the unthinkable happened. Something so frightening and disturbing, even the possibility of it had me quaking in my boots.
[FAN SHAKES IN FEAR]
Nickel: Fan decided to become more social.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
Fan: Oh, har har. If you want to hurt my feelings, you'll need to do better than that.
[LIGHTS TURNS BACK ON]
Fan: Shoot, don't look at me. Uh... How about costumes? You like to dress up? I wore a green bow-tie this year. (chuckles)
Nickel: Hmm. Well, once on Halloween, Suitcase was acting all, uh, disconnected, as she does, thought it would be nice to have her fell included.
Fan: Oh. Well, that's uncharacteristically caring.
Nickel: So, I had Knife draw a face on the other side of me with a marker, so I could pretend to be listening to her while looking the other way.
Fan: Huh, you know what? She did tell me about that. Yeah, she said it was incredibly patronizing.
Nickel: [WHILE LOOKING AT THE OTHER WAY] Mhm, yep. You sure said it.
Fan: Dime, did you go as anything for Halloween?
Dime: Oh, just the same thing I go as every day, a philanthropist, I've been working really hard to give members of my community tips on conserving water. I'm so proud to have truly made a difference.
[AUDIENCE CLAPS]
Nickel: eh... uh... You're not serious. That's MY THING!
Dime: Really? That sounds great! What have you done?
Nickel: I, well, uh... I taught Knife to stop flushing water bottles down the toilet.
[SILENCE]
Dime: Is that a common problem in your dimension?
Nickel: Wuh- not anymore!
Dime: Oh, well good job, then. Everybody should be green these days.
Nickel: And that's MY favorite color.
Tissues: [OFF-SCREEN] Not mine.
Fan: Nickel, are you suggesting that you have a patent on being environmentally conscious?
Nickel: NO! No, [STAMMERS] you're twisting my words! I... I just don't think anyone can do it other than me!
[AUDIENCE GASPING]
Nickel: THAT CAME OUT WRONG!!! I... I... I just feel like I'm being replaced here, y'know? Can you imagine encountering someone who's basically your knock-off version, but they're worth more than you? I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
Coiny: Hey, Nickel.
Nickel: Oh, hey, Coiny.
Fan: Well, we certainly weren't banking on hearing from this many coins today.
[CHEESY SLAPS HIS KNEE OFF-SCREEN]
Fan: ugh...
Nickel: Heh, had enough of me already?
Fan: Not at all, we could talk as long as you like.
Nickel: Oh, interesting! Then, this interview should've been done over 5 minutes ago.
Fan: Ha! Alright, well, when you hit it, you hit it, I'd give it to ya. But, for real, Nickel, we're glad you're OUR Nickel. We wouldn't settle for any other coin. Even if there are... a hundred or so out there. But, hey, that's just my 2 cents.
[LIGHTS DIM]
Fan: But could you stop messing with the lights already? How are you even doing that?
Dime: [OFF-SCREEN] Sorry! That's just me conserving electricity!
Fan: Oh, Dime, so considerate.
Fan: Uh, I mean, uh, SO considerate.
Nickel: Heh, beautiful.
Fan: I bet you all just LOVED this episode! Stay tuned for the NEXT one!
Nickel: Uh... Alright, you're losing me.