Fan: Hello internet, it's your loyal Fan here to oh- oh no Test Tube the camera's flipping!
Test Tube: Wh-WAH OH GOLLY-
Fan: All right, I think we got it all working again. The red light's going so I'm sure when we import this footage It'll be all fine. Okay! Hello everyone and welcome to Fan's! Fantastic! Features!
Fan: On this show I'd like to tackle my greatest fear in life head on. Talking.... to other people! Yes, that's what I'm hoping to do in this new vlog series and if you want to condescend the art form of vlogging as shallow or mindless. Well, there's the door buddy!
Fan: No, Test Tube. That was just a... figure of speech, but you know? I like the visual flair you added there!
Fan: When I got eliminated... from Inanimate Insanity I felt like my life was over but then! With the help of Test Tube coupled with a traumatic albeit wholesome encounter of alien life. I realized there's no limit to what I can do!
Test Tube: Uhm Fan? We have five minutes of battery left!
Fan: Shoot! All right, we gotta hurry this up! Please everyone, welcome Tissues!
[Pitiful clapping]
Tissues: Hi guys, this is cool, I guess...
Tissues: (Coughs)
Fan: Great yeah, very cool! Tissues! Thank you for being my first guest. You know, I-I feel like we've never really talked before.
Tissues: Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to talk to me before?
Fan: Well, uh, I actually have never even heard you speak before. I-Is this your actual voice or are you doing a bit?
Tissues: Well I can do a different voice if you want. Watch this!
Tissues: (Coughs)
Tissues: Hi guys, I'm Marshmallow.
Tissues: Hi guys, I'm Nickel.
Test Tube: Wow that was really bad.
Tissues: Hi guys, I'm OJ.
OJ: No you're not!
Tissues: Aw... how does he always catch me?
Fan: Wooow, you should really go into voiceover! Anyways Tissues! Of course, you didn't get a chance to compete very long. In fact, you unfortunately! Were the first one out of the game and I feel like when you're the first competitor eliminated viewers see you as nothing more than a joke.
Tissues: Well, you know what they say...
Fan: What? Wh- What do they say Tissues?
Tissues: (Sneezes) You save the best for last and I came in last.
Fan: Oh, I like that. That's a good attitude to have about it!
Tissues: It's the truth. Don't know what you're getting at.
Fan: Okay.
Fan: So, uh Tissues, I understand. You must get this question a lot and it's totally fine if you're not comfortable talking about it. But can you tell us a little bit about your condition?
Tissues: I believe you mean my condishawn. Come on, guys. I literally talk about it all the time.
Fan: Oh, okay, so you're good with it. Great. So I was wondering-
Tissues: I'm not gonna talk about it.
Fan: Alright. We'll just skip those questions then it's alright. It's not like it was 95% of the cards.
Tissues: Okay! Fine, you broke me I'm broken! Look a little itty bitty part of me is over there. Some of me over here. Aw someone's gotta clean that up.
Fan: Uh...
Tissues: I've had my condishawn for as long as I can remember, but don't worry about it guys! Okay? Symptoms aren't all that bad. I get muscle spasms, triple migraines, violent nausea, uncontrollable heat waves, and sometimes this little- this little tooth right here? Man, it kills.
Fan: We understand. W- We don't want to make you relive all this pain!
Tissues: No no no. No I can keep going! I've got vertigo, vertistop, vanishing fingerprints, temporary blindness.
Fan: This is all really great information.
Tissues: O- who said that?!
Fan: How about something a little less upsetting? Uh, like, uh, let's see here. Uhhhh! Y-Your favorite color! What's your favorite color?
Tissues: I don't really like to play favorites. So long as it's not green, I'm good. I see too much green! Eugh. I hate that guy! Oh, sorry Test Tube....
Test Tube: Oh ha ha thanks.
Tissues: Oh ha ha! Thanks for the fake laugh! Wasn't even good. Mine's better. Ha! Such a faker.
Fan: You know what Tissues you're right. That's been the problem all along! This show shouldn't be all pre-planned and fake! None of that! I don't need these cards get rid of them get- GET RID OF THEM!
Fan: Just you and me. Two friends sitting across from each other. That's the show. That's. The show.
Tissues: You....You think I'm your friend?
Fan: Of course Tissues. We shared an experience. We were on a show together..... a team together! Even if it was only for a few minutes or so that... means something to me. Like it or not... that's a bond for life.
Tissues: (Snoring)
Fan: Oh... Oh, all right Test Tube can you switch the set to late night settings?
Fan: Okay, I guess this brings our little show to a vertistop for now! Stay tuned for more episodes. Test Tube, let's get this guy a blanket.
Test Tube: ON IT!
Tissues: WHA-